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It Looks Like You've Made It: Degrassi Success Stories

3. Shane Grimes (Darcy)

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Career: Actress
Can Be Found On: Vampire Dairies, aka: Mexican Twilight (CW)

Shane Grimes made waves on Degrassi as the girl who could act, at least better than anyone else on the show at the time. Degrassi is annoying like that; it has this mix of kids with pretty good acting ability who are then paired in scenes with kids who speak in a monotone voice, no matter what emotion they are supposed to convey. You know who the best actor ever on Degrassi was? Ephraim Ellis, the boy who played Rick. In addition to be cool because he was the actor closest to my age, he was amazing at his role, so much so that you couldn't help but sympathize with Rick, despite the bad things he did. Of course, I never liked Terri and laughed when she hit that cinder block, so maybe that had something to do with it.

Someone at the CW took note of Shane's acting competence and skinniness and hired her to play the lead role in their new vampire themed show, Vampire Diaries. The CW couldn't help but notice how wildly popular the Twilight movies are with the network's core demo of girls between the ages of 13-18 who are stupid, so they wanted their own girl-who-falls-in-love-with-a-vampire story. Originality is the spice that keeps Hollywood cooking.

Why the hell are vampires so popular all of the sudden? Let's go back to zombies like we did in the early 2000s. I like zombies, even if a zombie movie is bad, hey, it still has zombies. I remember the Blade movies from high school and I used to watch Buffy, but there has been way too much crappy vampire media popping up over in recent years. I hate Twilight, I hate True Blood, I hate Vampire Diaries. The only vampire movie I've ever seen that was any good was the 1992 version of Dracula, directed by Francis Ford Coppolla. It had Gary Oldman and Winona Ryder and Anthony Hopkins, who all kicked ass, but also Keanu Reeves, who acts about as good as the average Degrassi cast member. Fuck that guy, he could not pull off a British accent. Well, he could, as long as he didn't have to express emotion at the same time. Next time you watch that movie, pay attention to how hard he struggles to maintain a fake British accent. There was no reason he should have been the lead. If I heard that Keanu Reeves was cast in Dracula, I would say "What, is he the retarded guy who eats bugs?" No! He was the main character!

Rumor has it Shane has a cocaine problem. There are three reasons for this rumor. One, it is fun to gossip about celebrities, particularly young female actresses, and believe they have problems. These woman are paid a lot of money to look pretty and be on TV and give producers blow jobs. They have it easy, so there is this desire to take them down a peg in your mind. It's like when you hear about a 85-year-old billionaire, so you say to yourself, "Yeah, he may be incredibly wealthy, but he'll be dead in, like, five years. Haha."

People with nothing productive to do don't sit around and talk about how an actress has a nice car and jacuzzi and a vacation home in Antigua, but they will talk about her alleged drug problem. I'd like to point out that cocaine is kind of expensive as far as drugs go. If someone gets addicted to cocaine, she has to have a lot of money. Google and my neighbor tell me a gram sells for more than $100 these days. Sure, she has probably blown a few guys for free lines, but even the guys she is blowing have to be pretty rich. I am poor and don't know any cocaine addicts, but I have plenty of alcoholics in my life. You can be an alcoholic on less than $6 a day. Being rich and having a drug addiction still beats being poor and having a drug addiction.

Reason two is, she is very skinny and obviously it is because she has a cocaine addiction and not because she has a teenager's metabolism. She was really skinny when she started on Degrassi at 15, so she obviously was doing cocaine back then. US Weekly had a cover a few years back about her being too thin. I did not notice how bony she is, I was distracted by her black (what you can barely call a) dress. What kind of thing is that to wear in public? That dress article of clothing is designed solely to cover the three parts of a woman's body she can't legally show in public and nothing more. There's a stripper in Seattle who starts her shows in that same outfit.

Three, she had a crazy red carpet interview for the Canadian Choice Awards in 2008 in which she appeared to be high. I don't know if cocaine makes you act like that. Maybe she was just drunk. Also, so what if did cocaine? She's college-aged. Many people her age are in college and trying all sorts of drugs. I smoked weed for the first time in college. I knew some people in my residence hall who went to try cocaine, but didn't invite me because I called campus security on the guy who gave me weed and earned a reputation as a douchebag.

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