We Are Not Attending the Ultimate Degrassi Party

I'm sitting here watching Ned's Declassified School Survival Guide. It's not a very good show by any means, but it has the guy who does the voice of Cosmo from the Fairly OddParents playing a crack head janitor. But that is not what I want to write about, not today at least. Some of you had emailed us about the contest to win a trip to the big Degrassi party in New York City and told us we should enter a video because we are funny. Well, yes, we are funny, thank you that goes without saying, but we did not enter a video. I think Johnny and I talked about it for a good three minutes, but didn't pursue it because 1) we were both leaving for college soon 2) we don't like putting effort into anything that isn't Mario Kart 3) it didn't seem like it was worth the work just for a chance to go to a party where we'd have to be stuck with 500 other screaming fans and would probably never even get a chance to get Shane Kippel alone in a dark corner and 4) I don't think either of us could have gotten our hands on a video camera anyway. Also, I tend to curse A LOT and we wouldn't know how to edit that out.

And as much as I am trying to be cool about it, I did kind of want to win the contest. I thought about checking out a camera at college and putting something together, but didn't because I'm lazy. Also, I'm not very good on camera. For some reason, whenever I am in front of a camera, I get nervous and lactate out my nipples. I don't know why or how that happens. Anyway, I'm better at writing than talking, so I figured what the hell, and decided to write a three page essay. I wrote out in hand (double spaced) it in twenty minutes at work on the final day submissions had to be mailed, an hour before the post office closed. I thought it was kind of funny, but I don't know if The-N would think it was, because they are a bunch of poopheads. I also wasn't sure if it would have reached The-N World Headquarters by the deadline.

Entries had to be mailed by August 28th and get to The-N's World Headquarters (the back room of a PhotoHut on Sixth Avenue) by September 1st. The Ultimate Party will take place on the 15th and sometime between then the winners would be notified. It's the 3rd, I haven't been notified, so I guess I did not win. How about The-N thought there were 500 kids who submitted a better entry than me? I didn't even think there were 500 Degrassi fans who knew how to correctly mail a letter.

So, yeah, we're not invited to the party. Whatever. I bet they won't even have an open bar. There was that quiz thing to win some tickets, but they were all won by the time I learned about it and I didn't know any of the answers anyway. Considering the obscurity of the questions, I think that is a good thing. Come on man, it's called having a life. Live it!

The-N should just let us go to the party. Come on man. Let us in. You're allowing those two dips who write The-N blog to go, you could at least spare a couple of tickets for cool people. Look at this goddamn site, how are we not huge fans? Almost all one hundred episodes have been reviewed. Do you know how much of a person's life he has to waste reviewing one hundred episodes of a TV series? I missed my junior prom because of it! Just give us some tickets. Also give us the money for gas because it's, like, a 700 mile drive from Michigan to New York. I want to go, but I don't want to spend any money on it. Or if you want, just give one ticket to me and forget Johnny. He won't mind. With his parole, he can't leave the state anyway.

You know we need to be there, because we all know that Shane Kippel isn't going to suck his own dick. Or don't give us tickets and be fags. Come on, you don't want to be a bunch of fags now, do you?

by Billie Green