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The Web BtC

The Battle of the Pretty Boys

The Pretty Boys
Craig

Craig

Peter

Peter

Declan

Declan

Tenure

Primary Pretty Boy: Seasons 2-5

Secondary Pretty Boy: Never. Craig went out on top.

Primary Pretty Boy: Seasons 5-8

Secondary Pretty Boy: Seasons 5, 9

Primary Pretty Boy: Seasons 9-

Secondary Pretty Boy: Never. Declan is second to none.

Winner Craig - He was the Primary Pretty Boy when the show didn't suck a big bucket of dicks.
"Talent"

Primary: Music

Secondary: Photography

Primary: Film

Secondary: Music

Primary: Being cultured

Secondary: Being rich

Winner Peter - It was close. Craig and Peter both suck at guitar while Declan excels at both his talents, because they require no talent or practice. However, Peter's camera skill has allowed him to see women's breasts. Craig's guitar playing has never be able to say the same.
Best Feature His large penis His golden hair His Sean like eyebrows
Winner Craig - He has a large penis.
Super Power Bi-Polar Rage Evil Genius. Can remove a girl's clothes with a single camera lens. Great wealth. Immune to parking tickets.
Winner Draw - point divided
Women Bedded Ashley, Manny, a girl in the Hollywood TV movie None we know of. (Note: more than likely he raped Darcy) His sister, Fiona. Plus Holly J? Didn't he? I don't pay much attention anymore.
Winner Craig - He is the only confirmed non-virgin who got there by not having sex with his sister.
Best Girlfriend None. Ashley and Manny are both stupid. Darcy, but she is also dumb. Jane
Winner Declan - Sure, he only had Jane for a brief time while she was still with Spinner. But she had Spinner's scent on her, so being with Jane was like smelling God's pillow.
Bitter Ex Manny. He used her to cheat on Ashley, got her pregnant, then ignored her, then chose Ashley over her. None. All of his ex-girlfriends are too afraid of his blackmail to ever dare cross him. Trish. He used a line about meeting the Dalai Lama to get with her, then used it on Holly J an hour later.
Winner Peter - Emma tried to get revenge on Peter for Manny, but wound up falling in love with him, and stayed with him even after he got Sean expelled. Darcy even got together with him after he unleashed a pedophile on her. How Peter has this effect on women, I don't know. Oh, wait, I do: the Degrassi girls are very dumb.
Dickest Move to a Girl Let's see...so many to mention over the years. Already brought up Manny's pregnancy... Then he beat up Joey... How about when he stole Ashley's dumb song? In addition to taking inappropriate pictures of underage girls, planting weed in Sean's locker to get him expelled, I am 99% certain that Peter was the one who date raped Darcy. The worst he did was lock Holly J in the recording studio for a few minutes while he asked her out. Also, Degrassi has a recording studio.
Winner Declan - Craig and Peter are both fucking assholes.

Ever Considered Another's Needs?

No. Craig is too self-centered to ever care about another person. He uses them for sex then drops them. No. Peter has no soul. He helped Holly J babysit one time. Then he took her out for her favorite pizza.
Winner Declan - He once did a fairly minor nice gesture for another person. Neither Craig nor Peter can say the same. And why don't the writers consider Peter a villain? Seriously. He's a demon spawn.
Relation to Spinner A friend for several years. They joy rode in a car and formed a band. He formed a band, but Spinner was so embarrassed to be associated with him that Spinner made them all wear disguises. He almost took Jane away from Spinner.
Winner Declan - He tempted Jane away from Spinner. Of course, it was only for a brief moment before Jane went back to Mr. Mason. Declan is no competition. Still, he gets points for attempting such a risky maneuver and still retaining the use of his skull.
Relation to Sean Friend for several years. Craig ran away to Sean's house twice. Enemy. Someday Sean will kill him. None. Not on the show at the same time.
Winner Craig - Being Sean's friend is kickass.
Resemblance to Sean Very little. Body is too tall. None. Body is too girly. Some. Eyebrows are huge.
Winner Declan - Seeing his freakishly large eyebrows makes me think back to Sean and the good old days.
Craziest Action Got Manny pregnant. And he actually went crazy several times. Yeah, I'm going to say Peter definitely raped Darcy. Has sex with his sister.
Winner None. No points awarded.
Final Score 4.33 2.33 5.33
Winner

DECLAN. Peter barely was the Pretty Boy because he sucks so much, and is a date rapist. And fuck you, Craig. Declan has barely been on the show, but he is indeed is the pretty boy of the future and beyond. I look down on the having sex with his sister, but props to embarrassing Peter at the embassy and getting him hooked on drugs. The little shit deserved it.

Congratulations, Declan. I award you...my heart.

Pretty Boys

by Billie Green