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Exploring The-N: Personality Quiz - How Funny Are You?

The-N.com is one hell of a TV channel website. It has lots of Flash and is cluttered with ads for low interest mortgages and tax accountants. Apparently, the people who advertise on the-n.com have no idea what type of website they are advertising on, and for sure no one from Viacom is going tell them. Or maybe 15 year old girls need mortgages, I don't know what teens are into these days.

What's crazy is that The-N.com won a Emmy two years ago. No really, it did. I thought only TV shows could win Emmys but I guess websites related to TV can as well. Actually, I don't think they can. I bet one guy just bought one of those fake plastic award trophies you find in dollar stores. No one from The-N would have any idea what a real Emmy looks like so they were easily fooled.

In honor of The-N.com's fake Emmy win, I am unveiling a new segment on this site, "Exploring The-N", where we explore the many pages of the website. Or many this won't be a new segment, maybe this will the only article. I don't know.

The first and maybe only page we'll explore is a personality quiz. Let's let the internet determine by personality. It has already. With the amount of time I spend online, my personality has become nerdy shut in.

I have to dispute the idea that laughter is the best medicine. I'm sure penicillin is much better. If I had relied on penicillin instead of laughter eight years ago I would probably still have all my toes.

None of these options really apply to me. When I have to buy a hat I usually go for the cheapest one available, or the one I can steal from my brother when he moves out. I am not one of those people who is popular enough to wear a weird, wild hat in public and deal with the attention. Also, I'm very self-conscious about drawing eyes to the green spots on my skin. I suppose I like semi-cute hats if you consider baseball caps with places in Michigan printed on them cute. I do. Ha ha, "Hell, Michigan."

I like the attitude there of someone who doesn't wear a hat, they have to to express that they don't need one in italics. Maybe they have really thick hair which keeps their head warm in cold weather. Maybe they are an asshole.

Man, it would be awesome if I ever went on a date. Even if the girl kicked me in the crotch and stole my wallet at the end of the night, I would still be so stoked that I was actually on a date that I would immediately call her the next day. So, I'm going to have to guess as to what I would say. I would not ask about someone else's night, because I do not care about other people. Life is all about me. Me me me me ME!

Explaining everything exactly as it happened is out as well. I'm not going to go into detail into how much time I spent crying or picked my nose when she was ordering dessert. Also I am going to have to ignore the part that says "tell people about it" as the only person I ever talk to is Johnny Dangerous, so I should not abide by the plural.

I wouldn't go for funny first. I am going to be the funny person in the relationship and I don't need no smart mouth dame trying to upstage me. I'll be sexist and go with looks first, because, you know, boobs. This is all a moot point, since any girl who is both cute, smart and funny is already out of my league.

Again, I only talk to Johnny and the closest any of us have ever come to a woman is looking at a peephole to my neighbor's bathroom.

Saying "What up, dawg?" isn't funny. The only way it could be is if you played it up as corny as possible. Even then, the teacher would be justified in hitting you in the head with an eraser. I don't know what Liberty type would be annoyed by an adorable dog walking into class. I would pass a note to my friend (Johnny) and the note would be a recipe for cinnamon roles, delicious cinnamon roles.

Most of my t-shirts don't have writing on them, which is great because the writing on those two options is stupid. T-shirts with writing also cost more than t-shirts that are just a single color. I have a few rock band t-shirts from high school I still enjoy sporting. One is a Weezer shirt and Weezer has been shitty for a few years now, but it's this one that includes Kermit the Frog and Kermit will always be awesome.

After careful consideration, I would go with "Human Nature" by Madonna, but that was the reason I was kicked out of the school musical and forced to see a therapist. With Madonna out, I would have to go with "Since U Been Gone" since that is the only song on the list that is an actual pop song. "Rubbie Duckie" is a very simple song and wouldn't show off your singing ability. Plus it won't make you look funny anyway. Who the hell thinks that was funny? JT? If I tried the "Star Spangled Banner" I would forget the words and then I would be considered unpatriotic.
Why are there four options now, when any one of those options is only something a douche bag would choose to do?
Who the hell buys new shoes for graduation? Maybe certain girls do, I don't know. I wore jeans at my college graduation anyway. I had a gown on, so I didn't see why I should have to wear uncomfortable dress pants or any pants, really. May is a hot month in southern Michigan.
The movie I enjoy quoting more than any other is Mallrats. I don't have a particular favorite quote, I just find every single line of dialogue from that movie to be awesome and quotable.

Alright let's get evaluated.

Fuck you, The-N, I disagree with your results and your stupid face. Who are you to say that I am only "pretty darn" funny? You're the people who thought O'Grady was humorous. I have dozens of 16 year old girls and 40 year old men looking to hook up with 16 year old girls who feel I am way funnier.

Also, I disagree that JT will not be forgotten.

by Billie Green