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Season 6 Spoilers

The entire nation of Canada is working hard right now putting together the sixth season of Degrassi: the Next Generation. The British Columbians are writing the scripts, the Ontaroians are filming all the episodes, the Quebecers are making sure the cast and crew have plenty of good food to eat, the Albertians are checking to make sure all the episodes adhere to Canada's strict code of family values, and the Newfies are getting piss drunk and passing out behind the soundstage, because damn Newfies are unemployed drunks. I don't know if there are other parts of Canada, but if there are, those people are probably working hard on Degrassi as well. You see, because Degrassi has gotten attention in the US, the show is the pride of the Great White North. Every citizen pitches in to make sure the show is the best it can be. Just like with Bryan Adams fifteen years ago. Check the linear notes for Into the Fire, 28 million people have production credits on the album.

Anyway, I know some people in Canada. I...uh...run a maple syrup smuggling ring to pay for college. So I was able to get a hold of some advance scripts for the upcoming season. Here are the major spoilers:

1. Dean Strikes Again

Dean will get overconfident and will rape another main character. This time he will go to prison for it. I don't want to give away who the next victim is, but it will be a boy, and the smart money is on Toby.

2. Marco Gets AIDS

In one of the earlier episodes of season 5, Marco will have sex with a large black man in an Ottawa rest stop. Later, Marco will grow very sick, and a routine trip to the doctor will reveal he has contracted AIDS. This will be the last straw for Marco's dad, who can't handle his gayness, and kicks Marco out of the house and disowns him, because kicking your kid out of the house is really popular with Degrassi now. Marco will be forced to live on the streets, doing anything for just a little bit of money, and I do mean anything.

Unfortunately, Marco will not get medicine in time to help him stay alive, because Canada's health care system is notoriously slow. Someone will sneeze on Marco and he will die in the one of the last episodes of the season. I am dead serious about this. Marco will dies of AIDS. Tell all your friends.

3. Jimmy Will  Walk Again

Not.

Jimmy stays a cripple. Ha ha ha.

4. Toby Does Something

At some point, the producers must have realized that paying the kid who plays Toby all this money to never do anything isn't financially smart. So Toby will have a couple of B plots this season. One will involve him arguing with Hazel over the Israeli-Arab conflict. Hazel will firebomb Toby's synagogue, but while 26 people are killed, Toby lives because he never goes to Temple. Toby spends all his weekends playing MMORPGs. Toby retaliates by hacking into US government computers and putting Hazel on the terrorist watch list. But Toby screws up the hack and accidentally puts Jimmy on the list instead. Jimmy's dad comes home one day to see Jimmy gone and his wheelchair sitting alone in the living room. Jimmy is never seen again.

In an interesting twist, integrators at Guantanamo Bay discover that Jimmy is from the future. They torture him until he reveals the secrets to 24th century technology. Season 7 will begin with the US government unveiling a warp capable starship, ushering humanity into a new age.

The other Toby plot will have him working in a laundry mat in the mall. He accidentally puts too much laundry soap in a machine and it overflows, filling the mall with suds.

5. Peter Does Something

How about Peter was supposed to be this bad boy in season 5? Here is what the Degrassi book has to say about Peter:

To the adults, new boy Peter is an angel: so charming and well-mannered, having been previously schooled in Europe. But when it's just the kids, Peter reveals that he's really a slick, smooth-talking devil who delights in being bad. Life at Degrassi will never be the same! (page 87)

How about Degrassi never followed through with that? Peter was the devil to Manny once and then his cover was blown. In fact, he's a good guy now. Which is good for him, because blackmailing more kids would not have worked. Try to blackmail Spinner and his face would've been eaten off. Life at Degrassi pretty much stayed the same.

Anyway, Peter needs something to do. Darcy wasn't billed as a main character in season 5, but she was at least as prominent as Peter, if not more. Peter's big plot for season 6 will have him fighting Sean for Emma's affection. The two battle on top of the CN Tower, during a lighting storm no less. Sean wins handily. Sean will come close to deafening Peter, but instead he'll just take away Peter's sense of smell.

Emma will be saddened by the fight and tell the two boys it proves nothing. Emma will then make Sean and Peter take off their pants and Emma will make her choice that way. Sean wins this one too.

6. Spinner Takes His First Plane Ride

He goes to visit his grandmother in Calgary. But trouble begins when we find there are SNAKES ON PLANE!

Spinner gets the hell out of this chaos by jumping out of the plane and flying to Calgary under his own power.

by Billie Green