The Web BtC

Other Shows on The-N - Part 1

Here's what The-N likes to air in the one or two hours a day it isn't showing Degrassi.

South of Nowhere

South of Nowhere
This is why I watch South of Nowhere.

Set in Los Angeles, this show has been hailed by my little brother as the American Degrassi. I don't think it lives up to that title, but they sure as hell are trying. Degrassi wants to be intense, well, South of Nowhere will just be more intense. For example, Degrassi works to break ground with the occasional gay character, so SoN tries to outdo them by making every character gay. Seriously, just about every girl on that show becomes a lesbian. As far as I'm concerned they do. Check out how just how extensive the gayness on the show is. There was the classic/awesome episode where the two girls hang out together. One is a lesbian and thinks they are on a date. The other chick is not a lesbo and thinks they are just hanging out. By the end of that episode, the straight girl decides she might as well become a lesbian.

Homosexuality isn't the only way in which South of Nowhere tries to one up Degrassi. They also make sure everyone is a slut and sleeps around and shit. Since it's the American Degrassi, I spent some time trying to figure out which SoN character was the equivalent of a Degrassi character. This proved hard because SoN has two black guys and neither of them were much like Jimmy. Eventually, I concluded that every character is pretty much Manny, they have sex with anything at the drop of a pants.

Some (stupid) people have claimed that South of Nowhere is a more realistic show than Degrassi. This is a not true. First off, there aren't as many lesbians in real life as South of Nowhere implies. You'd almost think SoN would be using lesbianism as a cheap ratings stunt or something, instead of being the groundbreaking real series they say it is. At least most of Degrassi's gay moments involve dudes. No one is going to Tivo that.

I'm taking the rest of the claims that SoN is a better show than Degrassi straight from the poorly written South of Nowhere Wikipedia page.

Some would say "South of Nowhere" has more realistic dialogue than most other teen dramas like Degrassi: The Next Generation and even The O.C. This might be because of a more urban setting than Degrassi. The show has a reputation of real issues in the life of teens, but it has yet to tackle many issues Degrassi already has accomplished. This can be attributed to the fact that the show is just getting started, while Degrassi is currently on year 5 of its run.
That makes no Goddamn sense. How does South of Nowhere have a more urban setting than Degrassi? Last time I checked, Toronto is a major city. Toronto has about 2.5 million people, LA has around 3.8 million, that's not much of a difference. By that logic, a teen series set in Hong Kong or Mexico City or Moscow  would be more realistic than South of Nowhere, because those cities are all triple the size of LA. Having a show set in Los Angeles doesn't automatically make it fucking real or awesome or intense. It just makes it more polluted and crime filled. Hell, I live in Great Lakes, so, to me,  Toronto is more real than LA. They call pop "pop" and play euchre on Degrassi, just like I do. Though I guess Toronto and LA are more alike than my town because neither of those places appears to ever have snow. Like having a show set in a city makes it more "real" anyway than if it was in the sticks.

By the way, if you want good, realistic dialogue, you're going to have to look elsewhere than a teen show on cable. And I think the only "some would say" refers to whoever wrote that entry.

Something that has been complained time and time again about Degrassi is the lack of black characters, or at least somewhat "real" black teens. With seven noted black characters featured throughout the course of Degrassi's 5 year run (Jimmy, Hazel, Liberty, Danny, Chris, Chante, Towerz), few have dealt with street life as the black characters in South of Nowhere have from time to time but then again, unlike South of Nowhere, Degrassi seems to have more of a middle class suburban setting.

So I guess a street thug black person is more "real" than a black person who lives in a nice house and does well in school? Boy, that's racist. How about Degrassi doesn't fucking need to have a street thug, ghetto black person, because just about any other drama on TV featuring black people has them being gangsta ass niggers. There's nothing groundbreaking about having a ghetto black person on TV anymore. FYI: not all black people are street. Maybe you should complain about the portrayal of black people on The Bill Cosby Show too.

Still think South of Nowhere is better than Degrassi? Then fuck you. The American Degrassi has to be better than Canada's Degrassi. That's why I always thought the American Degrassi was Pete and Pete.


I want to give birth Lori Loughlin's baby.

Originally airing for two seasons on the WB from 2004-05 before being cancelled, the-N has been scheduling the show weeknights in prime time. If you watch the-N, you'll see promos for this show every three minutes. The promos make a big deal of the fact that Jesse McCartney is on the show, so we should all watch it because Jesse McCartney is so dreamy. Well, how about no one gives a fuck about Jesse McCartney? Just because the 16 year olds girls who run the-N get wet thinking about a C-level celebrity and male version of Ashlee Simpson doesn't mean the rest of us do.

What the-N should do is promote the fact that Lori Loughlin is on the show. Loughlin, as we all know, played Becky Katsopolis on Full House. She co-hosted a morning show with Danny and later married Uncle Jesse and started a family with him in the attic. That attic was fucking huge and bigger than the house I grew up in, including the basement and garage.

Anyway, Lori Loughlin is the reason to watch this show. Besides the fact that she still looks like an absolute MILF at 41, I like to think of Summerland as a spin-off of Full House, even though it really wasn't. The way I think of it, sometime after the final season of Full House, Jesse divorced Becky because she never mixed his Nesquik right. Jesse got full custody of the kids and also full custody of Becky's identity, because the divorce judge was a fan of the song "Forever". So, Becky is forced to leave her old life behind and assume the name Ava. She moves to a new town and becomes a fashion designer. Things are going well until her sister and brother-in-law are killed in riot after a Guns N Roses concert. Ava now has to take care of her sister's orphaned kids, which includes Jesse McCartney. Hilarity ensures.


How the hell do you even have an ass that unbelievably fat?

This show is fucking horrible. Now, I have liked other shows made by the Soup 2 Nuts people, such as Dr. Katz. Home Movies may well be my favorite animated show ever, and I was even the only person who ever watched Science Court. I'm especially looking forward to Soup's upcoming new show, Assy McGee. Those shows all have unique humor that made up for the fact that their animation was put together in as little as time as possible.

But O'Grady doesn't even have any humor. You'd think they could at least get a few laughs from the premise, which I think involves a town stuck in the Twilight Zone or something, where strange things always happen. The people who make O'Grady aren't even trying to make a funny show. Sure, they needed money after Home Movies was cancelled, but they realized this was The-N, so they're just phoning it in. They don't like this show either, or how do you explain letting Kelly Osbourne perform the theme song? And how do you explain the fact that the girl in the purple shirt has such a fat ass? Look at how fat her ass is, you could set a book self on that behind.

Radio Free Rosco

This is a show about a group of kids who set up a pirate radio station in their garage because their high school's radio station was all conformist and shit. This brings up two questions. One, why does a high school have its own radio station? Radio stations cost a lot of money and public schools don't have that. How does that public school afford a radio station when every other public school in the country has to deal with constant budget cuts? At my high school we could never afford a radio station, much less a school newspaper. Hell, my high school's budget was so tight that one year they had to cut the bathrooms. Yup, no bathrooms. You had to hold in it all day.

The second question I want to know is how can these four kids afford a radio station? The equipment and power needed to broadcast are going to cost a pretty penny. We all saw the episode of Pete and Pete where Little Pete started WART Radio in the garage and had to hold a fund raiser to pay off his dad's electric bill. And Little Pete was even able to keep costs down by using the metal plate in his mom's head to help transmit the signal.

I hate Radio Free Rosco. And I hate it based off the only one episode I ever saw. In it, one of the guys on the station pretends to be a girl. His female alter ego is a big hit with listeners, and also with another guy at the station who tries to make him play the girl more and more often. Dude tries to turn his friend into a girl and possibly date him! I bet he was slipping estrogen in his drinks. I don't remember how the episode ended, but I know one male DJ at Radio Free Rosco who now has nipples the size of a silver dollar.

Fucking freaked me out that did.

As an aside, remember when The-N aired Pete and Pete? That was awesome. How about the fact that they don't show it now? Bunch of fuckers.

Girls v. Boys

The gender wars heat up in this Real World type game show. A team of 3 to 4 boys and 3 to 4 girls compete in a series of contests for big bucks and the answer to the eternal question of which sex is really superior. Four seasons have taken place in Tampa, Hawaii, Montana, and Puerto Rico. Man, the cast of the Montana show must have been bummed. Every other season gets hang out by the beach, but these guys get the prairie.

I only watched part of one season in which two characters from Degrassi joined the teams. The boys got Jake Epstein (Craig) and the ladies got Lauren Collins (Paige). That was an alright selection. Imagine if the guys had been given Toby. That season had its moments, even though I stopped watching halfway through and can't remember any of the moments. I think they went to the grocery store once.

The most important thing I learned from this show is that The-N is run by a bunch of 16 year old girls. For real. There was the episode where employees of The-N are selecting the next cast for the GvB and we get an inside look at The-N's offices. Everyone who works there is small and female and looks to be about 16. This explains all the bad decisions the-N has made, such as not showing the abortion episode, removing Pete and Pete, and airing Daria.

Rocket Through the Windshield Show

This is an Australian show whose name I don't know. I have only seen one episode, but it kicked ass. In it, one guy is into bottle rockets. He gets the home to himself for a weekend and accidentally shoots a rocket into the windshield of his brother's car. That was cool. Also, the man who ran the bottle rocket shop was old and mean. The-N hasn't shown this program in years. If anyone knows the name of this show, please email me. I hope it's on bittorrent.

Thank you everyone who emailed me. I now know this show is called Out There.

by Billie Green