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The Web BtC

Degrassi and the X-Men Compared

With the third X-Men film out this summer, I felt it would be worthwhile to see which Degrassi character best matched up to a particular X-Men character. By using a 1962 Soviet computer purchased at a Russian government auction (that also netted Boycott the Caf two 1985 Oscar class attack submarines and three P-700 Granit missiles), I was able to analyze which characters best matched one another. The computer took up an acre of land and malfunctioned, causing a small forest fire, but after two months it finally calculated the results.

Degrassi X-Men
Craig and Cyclops

This is the good looking popular guy who is eager to get married and start a family. But he is not as popular with the fans as he is with the creators. Granted, he is alright, nothing against him, but more focus should either be on Spinner or Gambit than him. So why he is considered the leader of the group is anyone's guess.

He is pursuing a life style that will force him to wear sunglasses all the time.

Paige and Jean Grey

She is the sexy, popular, preppy female in her group. This gets her a lot of focus on her show, which is nice because she is very good looking and her stories are entertaining. Eye candy but also very smart, she enjoys wearing tight, revealing clothing. She often moves dramatically between being good or evil, depending on whether she died or was raped.

Ellie and Rogue

Every time she talks you wish she wouldn't because her voice is irritating. Will suck the life force out of and eventually kill anything she touches.

Liberty and Beast

Talks like a smarmy intellectual who thinks he or she is above everybody. What skill does this person posses exactly? What are you doing on the show? Being able to recite poetry and Shakespeare quotations isn't a skill, asshole and only makes you look like a prick.

You are also lacking in the looks department and way too hairy. You are a monster. Do you even have any friends? I occasionally see you hanging around cooler people, but you could be easily just following them and they are too polite to tell you to go away. Go away.

Sean and Wolverine

He is one of the best characters in the bunch and a definite fan favorite. Second in coolness to only to Spinner or Gambit, but it's very close. His troubled past gives him the most interesting back story, clouding him in mystery. Anytime the focus in on him, you won't be disappointed. An strong fighter built tough, he also has trouble controlling his temper.

Marco and Angel

I don't have much to say about him except for the show is more enjoyable without him and he is very gay.

Terri and Juggernaut

A large, unstoppable force who will annihilate any wall or buffet.

Spinner and Gambit

The coolest man in the group and the bad boy with a heart of gold, this cat is always ready with a side splitting one liner. Episodes about him are the best. Certain incidents (Jimmy's shooting, Senator Kelly's assassination) have cost him the trust of his friends, but he always bounced back and won the day, much like how he has a winning personality. He's been involved in petty theft, but is also a strong champion of truth and justice, whether against the Sentinels or the cafeteria.

He is also the dictionary definition of a lady's man. My God is he ever cool. Did you know he can charge small objects, causing them to explode?

Manny and Jubilee

The most immature kid in the bunch, her main reason for being on the show is to get into a lot of trouble because she is a dunderhead. She is often found dealing with the consequences of acting slutty or being captured by the Brotherhood of Mutants, which happens a lot. Her parents kicked her out of her home because they had enough of her shit. She is a total screw up.

Dean and Magneto

Our heroes have never seen evil like this before. He is the ultimate villain on the show. He thinks he is superior to all other humans and uses them however he pleases. Though our heroes often fight him, he is never finally brought to justice.

Mr. Simpson and Professor X

The older guy on the show, he acts as a teacher and mentor to many characters. This is his mission in life. His mental abilities allow him can operate complicated technology others cannot, be it Cerebro or green laptops and school computer networks. He dreams of a world where humans and mutants* can live in peace.

*or geeks

Manny and Mystique

She enjoys having sex with anyone or anything. Often changes her appearance to suit her goals but is most happy not wearing clothes.

Emma and Storm

A woman with strong convictions and a connection to nature, you can't help but notice she gets an unusually large amount of airtime.

Chris and Storm

Half the time you have no idea what this person is saying and occasionally you think this person may be Jamaican. This person is black.

by Billie Green