The Web BtC

A Boycott the Caf Interview with Christina Schmidt

Christina SchmidtChristina Schmidt filled the screen with her presence on Degrassi as Terri McGregor, the pure force of nature of the character winning acclaim. Christina left the show in 2003 during the third season to pursue a career as a plus sized model, mostly modeling tents. Boycott the Caf caught up with Christina by chance during a visit to the Milwaukee County Zoo. Ms. Schmidt was very busy and refused to speak to us directly. However, we were allowed to interview one of her handlers, her manager, who answered all of our questions about the large mammal.

Boycott the Caf: Wow, Christina looks so different than she did way back in 2003.

Christina's Handler: Well, she's reached maturity since then. Seven years ago she was just a child. Now she's a sexually mature adult.

BtC: How big is she?

CH: She currently weighs 3000 pounds even and stretches 13 feet long.

BtC: Wow. I always knew she was big, but I never suspected she could be that big. Could you repeat that again, how much she weighs?

CH: Christina weighs 3000 pounds and it one of the largest land mammals in existence, only smaller than the elephant and white rhino.

BtC: That feels so good to my ears. How much does she eat to stay so big?

CH: Christina eats about 150 pounds of food a day She has around 1800 pounds of bite pressure in her jaws, so don't try to fight her for a hamburger. Ha ha ha.

Christina SchmidtChristina lounging

BtC: I would never risk my life fighting Christina for a hamburger. Ha ha ha. I see she's eating right now.

CH: She can spend five hours everyday just grazing. Some days she just eats all day without stopping.

BtC: How has Christina been enjoying the zoo?

CH: Oh, she likes it here. Lots of people to take care of her, including me, and she likes being around children. But we have to keep her enclosed and far away from others. You may not realize this considering how plump and round she looks, but Christina has a nasty, viscous temper and can become incredibly dangerous at the flip of a hat. She'll charge you with little warning. Remember to keep your distance. I always do.

BC: With that smell, I'm sure I will. What does Christina enjoy besides eating?

CH: Not much else, really. The rare times she's not eating she likes to lie in the water. We have a 50,000 gallon tank just for her to swim and bathe in. Mostly she likes to stay still and float on the surface. I look at her sometimes and wonder what she's thinking or if she is thinking at all, really.

Christina SchmidtChristina with her family

Bc: Does she still enjoy performing?

CH: Not as much as she used to. It's hard to get her to move when she doesn't want to. Like I said, she has a temper, so I don't force her to do something she really doesn't want to. But the kids always enjoy it when she comes out and waddles about..

Bc: How far can she--

At this point, Christina lets out a very large, very LOUD fart. The many fart bubbles rise from the water and burst above, releasing greenish brown clouds of gas into the air. Christina's handler grabs my arm and rushes me to a safe distance several hundred feet away.

CH: Sorry about that miss, but I had to get us out of there. Christina's farts are toxic and deadly. If you were to breathe one in, you could die. Let's wait here until it's safe.

Bc: So Christina has deadly, toxic farts?

CH: Yes.

Bc: [falls to the floor laughing]

by Billie Green