Season 1 Episode 8
Airdate: October 21, 2009
Oh no slushee to the face!
On Finn's face!
But only loser kids get the slushee to the face.
Finn is now a loser!
And he was slusheed by his football teammate, Karofsky.
Tough jocks always have Slavic names.
Quinn wipes slushee off Finn face. Now that the big man on campus is getting slusheed, the other glee kids are extra vulnerable now. Will decides to cheer them up by assigning them a mash-up, like he did in "Vitamin D" because he says we all enjoy the mash-ups. No, no one enjoys the mash-ups. Will cites chocolate and bacon as a mash-up he enjoys. I doubt Will has ever enjoyed that mash-up and worn pants at the same time.
Will leads the kids in performing "Bust a Move." He wants Artie to play bass guitar, so he pushes Artie toward the instruments. That has to be annoying. It's bad enough that you are in a wheelchair, but then you have people nudge your chair in one direction so you wheel wherever they want you to be. It's not like Will even asked Artie and then pushed him along after he said yes. Imagine doing that to someone who can walk. "Hey, Finn, go play drums. I'll just shove you first to get you to start walking over there."
Finn and Quinn go to Emma, the guidance counselor, for advice on how to be cool. Emma asks why being cool is so important to them. Quinn says her mom put being popular as her main extra circular activity when applying to college. Quinn's mom was the girl from Legally Blonde.
Emma walks down the hall in a wedding dress. She is so lovely. I wish women would wear wedding dresses for everyday. It's when we look our best. Come on ladies, who is with me? I don't have the money for a wedding dress, but one of you readers can take the initiative.
Emma and Ken will be getting married soon and Ken wants them to dance to "Thong Song" by Sisqo. So Will sings it. Oh painful memories of the turn of the century!
"Thong Song" why? WHY!!!! I love this show. It's my favorite program on right now. Usually I review shows that are silly, but this is just an excuse to watch Glee like 3 times in a row. And I've dealt with questionable song choices in the past. But fuck it. "Thong Song" needs to be like the Holocaust if the Nazis had won: a horrible act of barbarity that is erased from history and forgotten.
The show should have used the "Thong Song" by Kyuss. which is named after thong sandals but doesn't use that word in the lyrics. Alt rocks bands into the 90s had a habit of naming their songs a random word rather than a line from the chorus. It was a good time for music.
The football team disrespects Finn at practice because he chooses to sing in glee club. Finn brings up the time Kurt helped them win the one game they won, but the football players scoff. Finn fights one player after he suggests a real man must have knocked Quinn up. Actually a real man did!
Puck is strumming in Rachel's room as she sings "What A Girl Wants" into a hairbrush. What is the deal with dumb songs this episode? It saddens me that Rachel even knows this song. She must have been, like, 5 at the time.
Puck has developed feelings for Rachel. He had a dream about Rachel, but who hasn't? Those skirts stay in your mind. Puck wants to hook up with Rachel because they are both Jews and Puck's mom wants him to. Puck is such a Jew.
Puck woos Rachel by singing "Sweet Caroline" in the glee room. Alright, this song kicks ass. About time.
Finn and Quinn's plan to be cool is to wear sunglasses. It does not work, because the entire football team surround them in the halls and slushees them. Slush!
I wrote Calvin and Hobbes in my notes for this scene. I don't know why. Calvin and Hobbes rocks, though.
Oh, wait, it's because there was a Calvin and Hobbes strip where Calvin says sunglasses make you cool. It took me under a minutes to find this on Google. I love the 21st century. In the 90s, if I wanted to look up this strip, I would have to go through all my many Calvin and Hobbes books, try to recall which book contained the strip, and then flip through every page until I found it. But I just typed in "Calvin and Hobbes sunglasses" and there it is! When I looked for Calvin and Hobbes on Lycos in 1999, I only found a dozen images of Calvin peeing on corporate logos.
Sue has been courted by the local news anchor. She is so in love that she acts nice to Will as he gives her dance lessons. The news anchor melted her icy heart! I thought only David Lee Roth would be able to do that.
Oh no! Puck is slusheed! It took the football players long enough to learn more that one of them is in glee club. God help those two football players who are also in glee but never speak. I bet they are safe because football probably ignores them as much as glee. Puck decides that he needs to stay on the cool and slushee free side of things so breaks up with Rachel and quits glee club. Also, he really likes Quinn and she is not going to be available until the paternity test.
More of Emma in a wedding dress. Yippie!!!!! She needs a new wedding dress she can dance in. Will dances with Emma as she sings "I Could Have Danced All Night". He is a good dancer and he is helping out a female friend pick a wedding dress. Yeah, all the other women there assume he is gay.
It was neat to hear Emma sing. This was the only song she does all season, and she was good. Are they going to have all the characters who are not in glee club sing at least once? I can't wait until Principal Figgins sings "Love is a Battlefield" and Kurt's dad, played by the sex machine MIKE O'MALLEY, rouses us with a rendition of the GUTS rap.
Ken is jealous of the chemistry between Will and Emma. Will talks to Ken and promises not to touch Emma's butt, but not is not enough so Ken schedules a football practice during a glee rehearsal. Now Finn and Puck and the other two have to choose. Glee club is in danger of not having enough members to compete if the football players leave. The other glee kids wait patiently to see which football players choose glee. Other Asian and the other boy that never talk enter the glee room, having forsaken football for song, to much hugs. I think the glee kids think they are new people who want to audition. Puck also chooses glee over football.
Finn wants to be cool, so he chooses football. However, he cannot bring himself to slushee his former glee club friends. Kurt sacrifices himself by throwing the slushee in his face. Don't worry, his outfit is water repellant.
Sue shows up at the TV station in a zoot suit, because her new boyfriend is taking her to a swing dance. Whether track or zoot, Sue just likes to wear clothing that ends in "suit". But the male news anchor is there fingering the female news anchor. No! Sue is heartbroken. She kicks Quinn out of the cheer team for being pregnant, which I though she must have in the previous episode, and resumes her cur sade to destroy glee club.
God, if getting Sue a boyfriend is all it takes to get her to stop being evil, Will needs to sign her up for okcupid.com or something. But he never will for the same reason they never built a raft on Gilligan's Island.
Will talks to Finn. They do the two-guys-throw-football-back-and-forth-and-talk-about-life-thing I could never do because I don't know how to throw a football. "I don't think one decision makes your life," says Finn, the boy who thinks he got a girl pregnant.
Finn gets Ken to cancel the extra practice, so he can be in both glee and football. Alright! The team drinks slushees to celebrate/conquer their phobia. Will says he has never been hit by a slushee. Oh! You know what that means!
Will Schuster, you've been slusheed! Fuck you asshole, fuck you.
It was OK. It would have been higher if not for the fuck damn "Thong Song." That was just evil of the producers. Evil.
Best Musical Number:
"Sweet Caroline " - Neil Diamond. Performed by Puck. This was the only good song this episode.
Kurt's Best Outfit: