The Web BtC

Mailbag #33

Subject: h j
Sender: colleen
Date: 05.08.2011

Peter Stone,

i'd probably give you an h j.

- colleen

You're going to have to try harder than that, Chris Hansen.  You don't put as many videos of underage girls on the internet as Peter has without knowing the classic signs of an internet sting.

Subject: When will there be new Degrassi Degossip?
Sender: Loveme S
Date: 05.05.2011

Hello again BtC crew,

I'm just wondering when you guys will have some new Degrassi Degossip. I love that stuff, it's freakin' hilarious. Please keep in mind that as readers, the trashier the gossip is, thebetter it is. And Fahat Fhagg should update his twitter more often, he hasn't updated his twitter in almost 4 months.

Any information on Daniel Clark would be awesome in your gossip... I know he's been in college for the past few years, he's going to be graduating here very soon, and he thinks Donald Trump is a huge loser. YES.

Thanks guys!

Normally I wouldn't answer this email because I don't write Degrassi Degossip or do Twitter or care about Daniel Clark's feelings towards Donald Trump, but the thing is we don't get as many emails as we used to.  If I left out every email that was about something I didn't care about, or at least could think of a funny response, these mailbags would only consist of one email.

Subject: The "Korean" Power Ranger.
Sender: Sierra
Date: 05.03.2011

Maybe the person who sent you the email about the power ranger guy being Korean was referring to that lady?

The thing is that guy said the Black Ranger was Korean, when in fact the Korean one was the yellow ranger.  Just another example of Zordan's subtle racism. 

Subject: Wow-wee!!
Sender: Riley Fuckoff
Date: 05.11.2011

Hullo. I've just gotten through reading your fake facebook pages, and I must say I really enjoyed them. ^_^ I hope you'll make some more for other characters as well.

I've been in Ireland for 4 months, and they don't play Degrassi there (because they know it sucks) so I haven't seen the newest episodes. I have read your reviews of them though, so I pretty much know that they were just as disappointing as I imagined they would be. (Of course, since I expected them to suck, I guess I couldn't say they were disappointing... They indeed met my low expectations.)

I did catch some episodes of Skins over there though. I watched all of Series 5, and I thought it was pretty good. It's somewhat like Degrassi, only there's a lot more sex, drugs, and drinking. You could youtube it if you'd like, because it's not on over here in the US. :( I think there's a US version, but I haven't seen it.

My sister said she closed my window, but I hear frogs outside, and they sound much closer than they should... Perhaps she didn't close it after all... I found a huge spider last night, and killed it. It was so scary. I could let the frogs inside, and maybe they'll protect us from spiders.



I thought they didn't play Degrassi in Ireland because the only channel they get shows reruns of British shows from the 80s

On the subject of Skins.  We are aware of Skins.  People keep telling us to watch Skins.  Frankly, the fact that it is a good version of Degrassi isn't that glowing of a recommendation.  It’s like the pie you are offering is the good version of a turd pie.  Saying something is better than poop isn't much of a recommendation since the bar isn't set very high.

Sender: Tirzah B
Date: 05.16.2011

In reference to you being done with degrassi reviews... *sigh*. I knew this day would come but its such a bummer! I myself am probably way too old (22) to be watching the show. I find myself strangely addicted even though it undoubtedly has sucked since the original cast has left. Anyway.. I'm sorry to see this end has come as your reviews were a great source of destressing in between studying for nursing exams... thanks for the laughs!

Don't be sad. It’s better to go out at the peak, or several years afterward, then to trudge on with an inferior product.  We here know that, unlike a certain television program that is still on the air.

Subject: Shane Kippel!
Sender: Taylor
Date: 05.31.2011

Just thought you should know: Shane Kippel will be starring in the new series Combat Hospital or something like that. I don't know for how long, but he was in the previews, and I know how much you love him. Sad thing is, it doesn't start until the 21st, so you'll just have to wait.

Give you something to look forward to, eh? ;]

A hospital filled with combat seems like the worst sort of hospital. If Shane Kippel was playing Spinner on the show then it would be called Oral Sex Hospital.

Subject: yo
Sender:  Lisa P
Date: 06.08.2011

Please review more power rangers. k thx bye

No probs girl. I'll do anything to please a pugly.

Subject: hello!
Sender: andie
Date: 07.10.2011

Hey Boycott the Caf! My name's Andie and I am a huge fan of your site. I am e-mailing you to request that you continue writing Degrassi reviews. I know this is probably the 2934820,000 email you've received about this but let me tell you. Your site has given me hope that this world has a sense of humor. I have seen every episode of Degrassi and after every episode I read your reviews. I cannot even begin to tell you the amount of laughs I have gotten out of reading your reviews. It's like your site was reading my mind as I watch the show. But somehow I am addicted to the show. It's just hard to explain, even after how dumb it is. It's always nice to know someone agrees. When I watch the show with my friends, they all take it so seriously but you guys are just so funny. I know it's probably a pain in the ass to keep up with but it's really worth it for your fans like me. I'd love for you to e-mail me back so I can at least talk to you guys. Take care guys, please consider to keep writing.

Sincerely, Andie, one of your biggest fans

But without the commitment of Degrassi reviews we will have time for all the other popular articles fans of our site love. Aren't you glad we will be able to point out logical flaws in cartoons or make or rant against websites that are more successful than we are?

...maybe we should go back to Degrassi.

Subject: Glee Project #1
Sender: Emily M
Date: 07.09.2011

Regarding your comment on Ryan Murphy trying to make a transsexual character on Glee.

Don't put it past him-he has tried this before and Fox shut him down. ( he will not be stopped until he can continue to fill up his God complex with the notion that he is changing the world.

I'm glad we have Wikipedia documenting the history of TV shows that weren't actually made.

Subject: STOP
Sender: Katie
Date: 06.28.2011

STOP fucking doing the Facebook profiles and start writing some reviews! Degrassi, Glee, Conan, whatever! There are still so many undone reviews and you jack offs are wasting your time making gay Facebook profiles. Write a damn review.

Love, Katie from Portland.

Well that’s pretty mean, and here I thought Portland was the town of brotherly love. Well, if nobody likes the Facebook profiles then we'll stop doing them.

Subject: ..I don't know what to put here
Sender: faith.reedy
Date: 07.17.2011

Hi I just wanted to say that you guys have a hilarious website whenever I'm having a bad day I just explore the website and I let the laughs roll I check on it daily for the degrassi Facebook profiles and you guys have a little bit of almost everything I just felt like telling you that


Yeah, fuck you Katie.

Sender: Isabel
Date: 08.07.2011

Dearest Writers at Boycott the Caf,

I must say, I find your reviews of Degrassi and such (and by such, I  mean The Glee Project- that's about it) quite humorous. I don't think  I've ever laughed as hard at reading a website as I do when I read  your reviews. However, I am very sad that you no longer review  Degrassi. This season is just TOO PERFECT for you NOT to criticize.  It's as though the Degrassi writers wrote each episode specifically  for you to make fun of. For God's sake, Conner is stealing women's  underwear! And Anya is doing coke! Here's a quote that Anya's new  boyfriend said to her in a recent episode that shows just how intense  things really are:

"So you got all coked up and grinded with another dude in front of my  face?"

Beautiful. Absolutely beautiful.

Anyway, even if you never review Degrassi again, please know that I  have always      enjoyed your work. But please, start reviewing Degrassi  again. You're missing out on a gold mine of opportunity.

Sincerely, Isabel S.

P.S.- Thank you for reviewing The Glee Project. And for putting Ryan  Murphy in his place. Thank you so, so much.

Remember when in The Dark Knight, Alfred mentions how he and his comrades had to burn the forest in Burma in order to stop the bandit? That is what the Degrassi writers are doing. They couldn't stop us with good writing so they are doing it with bad. How am I even supposed to make a joke if what is happening on the show is more ridiculous than the joke I was going to make? Some writers aren't looking to make quality television. Some writers just want to watch the world burn.

Subject: Article about gay power rangers
Sender: Hoke
Date: 08.03.2011

I'd just like to say that your article was a bit, well, stupid. I do believe that David Yost, who portrayed Billy, is gay in real life but you have some of your facts wrong. The reason Billy got the "unicorn" zord is because the blue ranger from Gosei Sentai Dairanger had the power of the Pegasus which was a winged horse in ancient Greek and Chinese mythology. Most children wouldn't know what a Pegasus is without simply calling it a horse so to make it mythical they called it a unicorn, something children do know of. Also, concerning Trini, there were more episodes focused on her other than her fear of heights. Such episodes include "For whom the Bell Trolls", "No Clowning Around", "Plague of the Mantis", "Big Sisters" and others. A lot of the plots had to center around what archive footage they had from the original super sentai series. Just thought I would educate you a bit.

What’s with all the Power Ranger related emails? What is it, 2006?

Sender: ~*~Helen~*~
Date: 08.25.2011

Hey Billy, or Billie, or however you spell your name. (This is exactly how I started out my other letter to you. I have not learned your name in the 10 months that have passed between my previous email and this one.)

First of all, I'm very sad that you have decided to stop reviewing Degrassi episodes. This means that the only things I really care about at all on your website are the glee reviews. And those are not quite as entertaining as the degrassi reviews, being that glee is a show I actually genuinely enjoy, and it pains me to hear you mock the characters andplot holesendlessly.

Secondly, I think you should review the show Gossip Girl. The reason I say this is because I already know there would be tons of things for you to make fun of. I read another blog that reviews Gossip Girl, and I have to be honest; sometimes I confuse the two of you. This other blogger also has the same snarky sense of humor as you do, and he (or she; I don't really know) sounds quite like you.

Plus, Penn Badgley is hot.

Gossip Girl is on the CW right? The same channel that brings us such shows as Hell Cats, 90210-2 and the vampire show with Nina. God that channel is a train wreck. If I was going to review a show for teen girls I would probably just go back to Degrassi, or possibly that one show The N use to have with all the lesbians. Maybe that new Teen Wolf series since it has no reason for existing. It’s not like Michael J Fox own the rights to werewolves. There should be no reason to co-opt a goofy 80s movie to make a serious drama. If they felt the need to do that they could have at least had the decency to base the show off of Gremlins