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Awful Music Video Or A Story Of Drug Addicted Teens?: A Look At Rebecca Black's "Friday"

By now everybody with an internet connection has seen a certain video that's been popping up on everybody's Facebook newsfeeds like a case of herpes that can sing with the help of autotune. Rebecca Black's “Friday” requires no introduction; this video hit over 30 million views in about a week, and if I had a nickel for every time somebody looked manically depressed and told me it was stuck in their heads, I'd probably have like a dollar fifty.

I've looked at some awful movies and music videos before and tried to find their redeeming qualities, but never before have I come across something that made me laugh and think it was a parody three seconds in only to realize, with horror, that it wasn't. Even JUSTIN BIEBER said this video sucked.

While I agree with all of these criticisms, I'm going to venture and say there's a lot more to this song. Sure, on the surface, it's got some shallow lyrics about a bunch of thirteen year olds loving a day of the week, but I believe it's actually the sad story of a town gone wrong.

We start off with an alarm clock going off and Rebecca waking up with the biggest hair ever. Pissed off that she has to wake up, she heads downstairs to grab her “bowl” and her “cereal”. Since she refers to both things separately, I'm assuming that the bowl is referring to what she smokes her illegal drugs out of. While she tries to fool the viewer into thinking that she's an innocent teenager, she's already given me evidence that she's some sort of druggie. Maybe that's why she's so tired.

Her family rushes around like crazy trying to get ready for their day while she nonchalantly sits around doing nothing, so she decides to get off her ass and “get down to the bus stop” where she has to make the most difficult decision of her life.

This scene is so baffling that I don't even know where to begin. Her waiting-at-the-bus-stop-woes are remedied when her friends pull up, beckoning her to ride with them. Creepiest of all is the kid in the back seat who we can see shouting and then trying to seductively summon her into the car. Somebody's started to hit puberty. Speaking of hitting puberty, it looks like the driver has yet to. I don't know of any state that lets you drive your friends around when you're 13, so maybe this is taking place in Canada or something. Even then, I'm pretty sure no parent would let their kid cruise in a convertible along with other kids that are that young. Maybe Rebecca and the kids got her drug habits from them.

She ponders “which seat can I take?”, and makes way more of a big deal about this than she should, but then again, she IS a typical woman (EY-OH!). Obviously the front seats are taken, so the only decision is whether or not she'll get bitch seat or one of the sides. Her friends don't like her enough to move over, so she probably had to awkwardly climb over the creepy kid who got way too much of a kick out of it.

They then start singing the chorus which has given everyone the “Black Plague” (LOL PLAY ON HER LAST NAME LOL), and the kids groove to it. The girl in the front seat does some weird flowy thing with her arm that probably went out of style in 1996 before she was born, and the driver raises his arms in the air. It would have been cool if the car just flipped at this point and the video ended, but would that really be as fun?

Maybe.

The video doesn't show any of the school day, because that's totally trivial in the lives of developing children. Instead it cuts to 12 hours and 45 minutes later where Rebecca's cruising down the highway with a new set of friends. Standing up in the back of a convertible when the average speed limit on a highway is 55 MPH isn't probably the brightest idea, so these kids probably decided to get baked before they even went to the party. Visuals aside, the lyrics are what really strike me here:

“I got this, you got this / My friend is by my right / I got this, you got this / Now you know it”

First of all, what has she got? What the fuck is this “this” that she speaks of? And why do I have it too? I don't think it's her drug addiction because I don't have that. It also can't be her horrible decision making skills portrayed thus far, and since those are the only two things I can see that she has, I will never know what she and I share in common.

Also, it seems like the only person in the car who she'd consider a friend is on her right side. Way to give a big “fuck you” to the person driving the car while you're standing up in the back of her car while she's speeding down a busy road. Don't be surprised if she slams the breaks.

 The kids arrive at the party where the festivities have already begun. The thirteen year olds illegally park their cars all over the street, leading me to believe that everybody's shown up under the influence. This must be a really shitty neighborhood if the neighbors aren't calling the cops or saying anything about the mass of pre-pubescent kids throwing a wild shindig. No wonder these kids get to do whatever they want.

One of the kids checks out Rebecca's thirteen year old butt and gets her to go into the party.

Everybody already knows about this part and has ridiculed it enough so I'm not going to get into it too much. Rebecca gives us a lesson about the days of the week surrounding her favorite one. What boggles my mind is why she just didn't finish up the whole week if she already did 4/7 of it, but if school matters so little to her then it doesn't surprise me.

The part that really offends me as an English speaker is the “we so excited” line. Seriously? You couldn't just add the “'re” to make it a contraction? It's the same amount of syllables. Just because your last name is... doesn't mean you can...

Nevermind.

Okay, onto the weirdest part.

There's a lot of cruising going down in this video, and we've got some guy who's old enough to be the kids' dad seemingly following along. At first I thought he was completely out of place, but it all makes perfect sense. He's rapping about Rebecca's dilemma with the front seat and back seat, so he's either a stalker or she's told him extensively about her awful problems. Considering that he knows about the party I'm going to rule out that he's her guidance councilor or a teacher, and the only viable option left with the evidence provided is that he's the kids' drug dealer.

Or maybe the stalker hunch was right. Too bad he'll probably never get caught considering how irresponsible the adults in this town are.

There isn't much to the end of the video as Rebecca takes center stage and sings for all of her friends or something. While everything seems all fine and dandy, a chilling segment is played where the rapper is probably contemplating what he's going to do when he gets to the party. It's the sort of end where everything seems okay, but in reality, the kids aren't alright.

CONCLUSION

So it turns out that rather than finding any sort of redeeming qualities to this video in my search, I uncovered that not only are Rebecca and her friends addicted to drugs, but they have a rapping, possibly convicted pedophile running free and hot on their trail.

As if her life didn't suck enough, Justin Beiber said her song sucked after she publicly asked him to sing a duet with her.

Awkward.

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