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You Gotta LOL

I watch a lot of Nostalgia Critic while I do the dishes, which is fortunate since he only updates once a week and I do the dishes less than that. Unfortunately, sometimes the dishes takes longer than his latest take on a pop culture foible. This is a problem because if my hands are wet I don't want to touch my laptop. That thing is only a few months old and is boss. I can almost play Civilization 5 on it. So I just watch the ads that come after the video ends. A series of these ads is about to be addressed and humorously discussed at length.

I honestly do not get these ads. They star a middle aged woman who tells jokes about her children, husband, and life. You know who doesn't watch sarcastic reviews of 80s and 90s pop culture on the internet? Middle aged women. This is the worst attempt at advertising since the makers of Confidentgaymen.com started advertising on Cryinggirls.org. They are totally unrelated demographics!

This is the only picture of the comedian I was able to take where she doesn't look like she had Down's syndrome.

My Kind of Math

This edition of You Gotta LOL is sponsored specifically by Nabisco's brand of 100 calorie snack products. All the ads are made by Kraft but also sponsored by a specific product, which may or may not tie in to the content of the ad.

In this case the 100 calories brand products are brought up because they don't require math. You see, according to the nameless stand up comedian, math is hard and women are unable to relate to word problems presented in math classes because they aren't about shopping. I was expecting much less sexism in an ad directed towards women.

She says that the 100 calorie snack products are perfect for women because they don't require any of that pesky math to figure out how many calories you are consuming. Because women are always on diets. Diets and shopping are 90% of a woman's life. The rest is filled with trying to trick men to go to the ballet against there will. I've seen every episode of Home Improvement so I know this is a fact.

Now Effective is the Ad?

On the one hand saying "Our product is great for retarded people like you" is going to drive away consumers, on the other hand I would rather feel healthy while eating a tiny packet of cookies then while eating fruit. Fuck fruit.

Quest to Be Average

Isn't it crazy how exercise is a new concept? Its like before the 1940s the idea didn't even exist? Except that it did. So the entire premise of this bit requires you to pretend in something that isn't correct.

Comedian lady goes on about how you only exercise to get to a certain size, nobody cares about health, just fitting into their pants. Comedian lady, by the way, is a size 14, and the average American woman is a size 14, so who wants to be below average right? L0L!

I think that joke relates back to the one about how women are retarded about math.

How Effective is the Ad?

Hey ladies, don't worry about your weight, just enjoy some fine Kraft products. This one hits the nail on the head.

A Woman's Bill of Rights

Come on women, you already have an entire amendment about yourselves, how much more do you need?

Among the rights women demand to have:

1. The right to have pants and bras that fit (That seems like an issue with buying clothes that aren't the right size to me, but whatevs)

2. The right to prevent people from pooping if they need to groom

3. The right to hide chocolate

4.Protection against illegal search and seizure (I'm pretty sure this is in the normal bill of rights as well)

5. The right to do all those crazy people things women do when they are on their period, and nobody calls them on because doing so would probably result in being stabbed.

How Effective is the Ad?

It didn't set the buying public on fire or anything, but I understand it sparked women's rights protests in Malaysia.

None of the women survived.

Zen and the Art of Motherhood

Lady comedian reveals that she wasn't always the calm cool mom she is now. She had to work to get to the more relaxed state of motherhood she now employs.

How?

No, if that were the case she might be funny.

Comedian recounts how she thought she was going to "float" through her pregnancy "in this blissful idyllic state"

What? No, get out of here.

When it all comes to it, motherhood means you are no longer in control. Like when you feel compelled to clean your child with spit or when you go shopping and your breasts begin to shoot out milk uncontrollably. No control people. Just a shelf of breast milk covered produce. You can't sell that, its unhygienic. Just gotta throw it out because some lady heard a baby crying. Owning a grocery store means you got no control over anything.

How Effective is the Ad?

This ad was sponsored by Kool-Ade. That's like the one Kraft food product that isn't any good if you're high. Kool-Ade ain't no good when you gots the munchies!

Ordering from the Kid's Menu

Before watching this video I had to watch a commercial. This video is a commercial. They made me watch a commercial before watching a commercial. You know what, fuck the internet? Also I added that apostrophe in the title because the menu belongs to kids. It is not a menu of multiple kids.

Stand up comedian lady apparently enjoys pretending to order Mac N Cheese at restaurants for her children and eating it herself. She does not mention if her kids are allowed to eat. This is kind of dumb since you can make Mac N Cheese at home in about ten minutes.

She then goes on a rant on how some recipes are too complicated and involve ingredients she is not familiar with. You know what Mac N Cheese recipe is great? Make it with a jar nacho cheese. I love that.

How Effective is the Ad?

It does put me in the mood for Mac N Cheese, however I assume Kraft wants me to buy their Mac N Cheese products, so why does the comedian talk about buying it from a restaurant the entire video?

To Don't List

Comedian lady is too busy on some days to make a To Do list. She thinks God must have also had busy days like this which is why he invented breathing.

I don't know.

She also keeps all of her children's sport's equipment in the car. She mentions she has equipment for seven different sports in there. Either she has a lot of kids, her kids are involved in several sports at once, or she needs to clean her car out at the end of the season. No need to keep the hockey sticks in the car during the summer, well, unless the kid is in summer hockey, but I'm pretty sure that only exists around here because people in the Keweenaw fucking love hockey.

How Effective is the Ad?

This ad has nothing to do with food Kraft makes. If anything it advertises for fast food since fast food is easier to eat in a car then Kraft food.

Wassa Matta Face

I predict this is either going to be about Jar Jar Binks or offensive to Italians.

The routine starts with the comedian saying that she thinks that the country has an "anti aging jihad."

Okay, maybe it will be offensive to Muslims.

She then starts talking about fighting free radicals. Apparently free radicals are something that leads to wrinkles. I never heard anybody talk about fighting free radicals, but then again I only read Cosmo for the sexy pictures.

You know what? I would rather fight free radicals then The Radicalz

Is Chris Benoit going to have to choke a bitch?

Please note that despite what the WWE trading card wants you to believe four people can't be a tag team.

How Effective is the Ad?

If I'm going to do battle with WCW's most talented cast offs then I'm going to need to refresh myself first, good thing this ad made me remember Crystal Light! SUCCESSS!