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The Web BtC

iCarly: "iMove Out"

Season 3 Episode 7
Airdate: November 28, 2009

iCarly is a pretty good show. It's on Nickelodeon and is about three teenagers who put on a webshow (also called iCarly) from the main character's bedroom. I. Carly is a girly girl, while her best friend, Sam, is aggressive and hot tempered. Their producer is Freddie, the boy of the group. Compared to classic 90s Nick. I would rank the show below Pete & Pete, Rocko's Modern Life, and above Clarissa Explains It All, Ren & Stimpy and All That. I suppose I would say that iCarly is about as good as Doug. I feel no shame im saying that I watch it--at least to a few thousand people who will never meet me in real life.

It's a very computer and technology based show, which you really couldn't have done on Nickelodeon in the 90s. Computers that could put together video shows like iCarly were much more expensive than today. The best we had back then was Clarissa and her 16-bit computer games. Plus, watching video on the web was a pain in the ass before Youtube. A lot of people didn't have broadband connections, so either couldn't watch video at all or had to select a low bandwidth stream, if one was available, and watch video that was one inch wide. Also, there were, like, fifty different file extensions for online video, and you needed a specific video player and codec for each of them. "OK, this video won't play on Windows Media Player. It says I have to download Real Media Player. I'll just do that and waste an afternoon uninstalling all the bloatware that comes with it. OK, I have to install Quicktime to watch this. I'll do that and get frustrated when it takes over my browser. Now I need to download the right codec and restart my computer...Alright now the video is will play...Except it stops and buffers every thirty seconds."

If you can remember having to go through that, you are too old to watch iCarly.

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This episode opens with one of their webshows. I. Carly and Sam have dressed up a bulldog to cheer him up. I. Carly and Sam are a lot better at this than any teen girls who post to Youtube. None of their videos are about makeup or singing off key to current pop songs. They also don't giggle after every sentence. True professionals, those two.

Freddie's mom interrupts their webcast. She has some green plants in a plastic bag and demands Freddie explain them. Turns out they are the vegetables he did not eat at dinner. That reminds me of an episode of another 00s Nick show, Fairly OddParents, in which they kept making references to hemp, but they substituted in a made up word, because only indirect drug references are OK on Nick. I assume the network knows that little kids won't get the joke, and their Nielsen research shows that most adult Nick viewers watch the channel stoned anyway. Freddie's mom makes him eat the veggies while the girls record it. This makes me wonder, did Freddie throw the vegetables away and then his mom dug them out of the trash bin? Because anyplace a kid is able to hide vegetables is going to render them pretty unsafe to eat.

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Freddie's mom further embarrasses him by picking him up at school and showing his classmates his baby pictures. She has them stored on her cell phone. Either she scanned film based photos onto her phone or she has a very old cell phone.

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After the bulldog make-over, the iCarly team gets a line of customers who want the girls to photograph their pets. This attracts the jealousy of two adult men who own a rival pet photography business and share joint custody of a cat. They demand the kids shut down their business.

Have you ever met a young, straight white man who has lived in a large city pretty much his whole life? You know, they grow up in a liberal area with all that art and fashion everywhere so they soak that in and tend to exhibit some stereotypically gay behaviors, but still like women. That's how these two dudes are: they dress fashionably and love their cat above all else. It's weird how that works, because I grew up in a small town and our gays act like Drew Carey.

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Freddie's mother comes to the Carly apartment to retrieve her son. Spencer shows her that Freddie is sleeping. Spencer Carly is I. Carly's older brother and guardian. I've never seen an episode that mentions their parents, so I assume they are dead. Spencer goes to his bedroom. I. Carly and Sam are gone, and Spencer feels uncomfortable masturbating if little girls are in the apartment, so he takes any opportunity he has to squeeze one out.

Freddie's mother sneaks back into the apartment. She has an de-earwax machine that she sticks in Freddie's ear. Freddie wakes up and is so angry that he says he will move out. I like that he yelled about moving out and slammed the door in another person's apartment.

Spencer returns from his bedroom. He sees the Freddie family gone but the ear wax machine still there. He sits down and sticks it up his nose. He thinks it's a hookah and he likes it.

By the way, the actress who plays Freddie's mother was a cast member on MadTV. iCarly is really a step up for her career. I mean, iCarly is on in primetime and funny. It's like Johnny once told me, "If I was a cast member on MadTV I would be so embarrassed. I'd just tell people that one of the producers was a friend of mine and I was only doing him a favor."

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Spencer and the girls went out. They come back to their apartment to find the rival pet photographers snooping about. Spencer tries to get them but is attacked by their cat and the rivals run away. I. Carly and Sam find their studio trashed. If those guys wanted to stop Carly and Sam, I think a call to the business and tax authorities would do the trick. A kid running a lemonade stand is one thing, but these kids had a professional operation and were taking in a lot of money, all under the table.

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I. Carly calls a cop, but the police man is no help. It seems the men who vandalized her room provide free pet photographs for cops. Man, the whole city is on the take from these guys. The cop then gives her a ticket for a unregistered prop car. That's how corrupt this city is. If I. Carly is mad now, wait until she finds that all of her underwear is missing.

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Freddie offers to let the girls rebuild their pet photo business in his new apartment, but the girls do no want to because it is a dump without a toilet. Freddie has moved away from his overbearing mother. Sure, he is still in the same building as his mother, and will need to go back to her for meals because he has no kitchen. But the rent is $100 a month, which is very good considering this is Seattle. Have you ever read a book about Nirvana? Kurt Cobain lived in this exact same place for awhile in 1989 before he became famous.

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The iCarly kids break into the rival pet photography business. They are going to vandalize it. I don't think committing a crime on a business that all the police love is a good idea. I. Carly doesn't either. They don't break anything and hide when the men return.

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Sam grabs their cat. Now the kids have a ransom. That's still a crime, but their rivals are so distressed about losing their cat that they cannot think straight. One of the men has to air out his pants, which I guess you can show on Nickelodeon.

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It's night time. Freddie enters I. Carly's apartment. He was scared and doesn't want to sleep in his apartment alone. Spencer lets Freddie sleep on the chair. Spencer has taken the couch because he was scared of a spider in his room. The producers though that remark called for some canned laughter, but cut this guy some slack. He is in his 20s and raising a teenager. He's doing better than most of us would in his position.

Freddie returns to his mom.

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The rival photographers clean up I. Carly's room to get their cat back. Normally, I would not trust two young men with the task of cleaning up an entire room, let alone one this size, and doing anything close to a proper job, but all that gay influence really pays off and I. Carly's room is as good as new.

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However, the cat is missing. The girls placed the cat in Spencer's bathroom and it attacked him and ran off. Spencer barely escaped with his penis.

The cat is out on the ledge and...OK...I'm positive that cat is a puppet. Cats have crazy faces, but that is too flat and glossy to be real.

The plan is to send Spencer out after the cat. See, every time the cat sees Spencer's face, it attacks him. A plan like this would normally result in both their deaths, but Spencer manages to safely get the cat back inside.