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The Web BtC

iCarly: "iSam's Mom"

Season 4 Episode 2
Airdate: September 11, 2010

Since I have reviewed Glee, as well as two episode of iCarly, I've gotten some requests to write up the episode of iCarly in which Jane Lynch guest stars as the little lesbian girl's mother. Jane Lynch appeared in an episode because Glee is hot and her daughter watches iCarly. Truth be told, I started watching iCarly because my younger cousin was a fan, but she seems to have outgrown the show sometime last season, so I haven't seen anything since the Bigfoot episode, other than promos that aired during The Fairly OddParents reruns. I was around her age when I started to leave Nickelodeon. I mean, I continued to watch it into college, but I mostly stuck to reruns of Rocko's Modern Life and other fare from the 90s.

I could never get into Nick shows that came out after 1998, including Spongebob, and as the 20th century became the 21st, drifted further and further from the channel I loved as a little one. Eventually, I had enough shitty Hey Arnold and wanted to watch The Daily Show instead. I did enjoy The Fairly OddParents, of course, but that is an awesome show. I have been told that Avatar: the Last Airbender is a good as well, but I don't want to have to memorize all the backstory and things I am guessing you have to keep track of to follow the show. I didn't even do that for Lost.

Also, I am pretty sure that while iCarly stars teenagers, its audience is mostly around 8. It's a bit hard for me to tell in my 20s, but I think a show about teenagers that is actually aimed at teenagers would have more adult content, like Dawson's Creek back in the day or Glee now. If it's a show about teenagers who never have sex, it's not a show for teenagers.

This episode was billed as a Special iCarly Event. The show does Special iCarly Events about once every three weeks. It kind of dilutes the specialness of an episode when a third of the episodes are treated as such. The episode that aired right before this one was a Special iCarly Event as well, because I. Carly got a brand new bedroom. It looked a lot nicer than her old room, I tell you what. Now for me, everytime I moved into a new bedroom, it became simpler than the one I had before. Mostly because I stopped feeling the need to decorate my room once I graduated elementary school. The last time I moved back in with my mother, my bedroom had a computer desk, a dresser, and a mattress with a pillow and blanket. No posters or anything, not even a full bed. I guess I should include the boxes of VHS tapes too.

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OK, let's start the episode. It begins in I. Carly's room. The kids are about to put on another episode of their dumb little webshow. Gibby is miffed that I. Carly had to cut his lobster sketch. Gibby is the gang's entertaining fat kid. I know that is redundant. Fat kids are always entertaining. Also, most kids are fat.

The canned laughter is too loud in this scene and comes in after every friggin' line. It'll be toned down after the theme song, but I haven't heard a laugh track that obnoxious since the days of TGIF.

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That night, Sam I. Carly's BFF, barges into I. Carly's room because she was fighting with her mom. Sam's mother is negligent and a criminal and abusive, but the show makes it humourous. Her mom has also never been shown to us before.

Sam empties one of I. Carly's dresser drawers and throws the clothes on the floor. Spencer, I. Carly's big brother, runs into the room with a vacuum cleaner for protection, but Sam orders him to make her some eggs, so he does. Wacky!

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Later, Gibby and Freddie, the camera guy, are hanging out in the smoothie shop where all the customers are kids. Kids love smoothies. Freddie has on sunglasses that contain a hidden video camera. He records two girls at the counter because his is pervy. Suddenly, a robber runs into the store and smashes open the register with a hammer. Everyone is scared. Gibby tries to chase the robber, but the robber turns back and chases Gibby for a little bit before taking off. Man, that fat kid sure can run.

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The robber leaves. Gibby comes out of the room he was hiding in that is sectioned off with beads. I will assume that is porn room. The blurry things on the wall behind him kind of look like erotic DVDs.

The store security camera was not working. The cables were cut. It turns out the robber came in the night before and severed them. If he was able to sneak in, why didn't he rob the place then? Also, since when do store security cameras watch out for robbers? When I worked as a clerk, the video camera was always recording the workers behind the counter. It's a fact that 50% of all retail store theft is from employees. Turns out when you pay people minimum wage, you have to spend more money on security to make sure they do not steal from you. Sure, I think a better solution would be to pay your employees more, but that makes me a socialist. The Pilgrims did not come off the Mayflower to found this country so honest, hard working business owners would be forced to hand over their honest, hard earned money to lazy poor people AND have to pay for their health care to boot. It's time to take our country back!

Sorry about the outburst. My mother visited recently, which means three days of putting up with her Republican bullshit. It gets to me sometimes.

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Sam is now staying with the Carly's. And boy, is she is the Oscar to I. Carly's Felix. Or maybe it's the other way around. I haven't seen The Odd Couple since I was in middle school. Which one was the slob again? Anyway, I. Carly is mad that Sam left half a tamale in her bed. Man, that was a huge tamale if half of that huge thing was already eaten.

I. Carly is also mad that Sam left her "I Heart Vegas" panties on the stairs. Sam says she does not like that word, so I. Carly yells "Panties!" a bunch of times. Look, um...I don't think the producers of iCarly understand that there are guys who masturbate to this show. It's true. And a lot of them are way, way outside of Nickelodeon's target age group. I'm just saying that having the lead actress holding another teenage girl's underwear and saying "panties" over and over might not be wise.

That seem a bit inappropriate for a kids show on Nickelodeon. iCarly can be like that a lot. It normally doesn't faze me because I grew up watching Ren & Stimpy, none if which ever should have been shown on Nick.

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Spencer heard the word panties so he immediately enters the living room. Spencer upset because Sam deleted from the DVR the VH-1 celeb reality show he enjoys. The Carlys lay down the law on Sam. She can shape up or ship out. "No more eating ethic food in my bed," I. Carly says. I. Carly is a bit of a racist. It's not really her fault, after all, she is still a kid and doesn't know many non-whites. The only black guy in Seattle works at the smoothie shop and he is kind of a jerk.

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Later, Sam's mom knocks on the door and we get to see her for the first time ever. And...it's Glee's Jane Lynch. There is much applause from the laugh track, even though it is still less noise that we got in the opening scene. I guess Gibby in a lobster outfit is more important than Jane Lynch.

Sam's mom is so outrageous! She is on probation and never pays her bills and look how she is dressed! The show is trying to make her look unbelievably trashy. Too bad I have several neighbors who look just like her.

Sam hates her mom, which is perfectly understandable. Everything we know about her makes her a negligent and abusive mother. Really, for all the trouble Sam gets into, she came out remarkably well considering her homelife. In the real world, Sam would be setting squirrels on fire and selling her body for sex to afford matches to set squirrels on fire with.

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This was bound to happen sooner or later. That's what you get for flaunting the word "panties" all over town, little missy. Just take your mind to a happy place and it will all be over soon.

Ha ha. Rape joke.

Actually, that guy is a security guard. His name is Gunsmoke. Freddie's mom hired him to protect Freddie. You see, the local news identified Freddie as they guy who has footage of the robber, so his mom is worried he will be attacked with a hammer. They are hiding out at the Carly's.

Gunsmoke is an intense guy. He fought in three wars. OK, they had to be the Gulf War, Afghanistan War, and Iraq War. He is far too young to have been in Vietnam, so if he wasn't in all of those recent three wars, he was fighting in a foreign country's war at some point. Maybe the US involvement in the former Yugoslavia counts as a war? I don't know. I just know that the dude likes war.

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I. Carly takes Sam and her mom to therapy, but that is getting them nowhere. I see why, Sam really needs to be in the care of Child Protective Services.

The therapist is tired of get hit on by the mom and being called fat by Sam, so he he locks them in a "Therapy Box" where they will not be let out until they learn to get along. I am not a psychiatrist, but I don't see how that could ever work in real life. He just made up the whole thing to deal with these two. This building is rather old, and in the 1950s that was the Red Room, where they would send the secretaries who were having their periods. Note that it was originally built to be soundproof and lock from the outside.

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Gunsmoke is making himself comfy. He makes the Carly's watch Killing War, a comically titled movie. The family wants to watch something less intense, so Gunsmoke turns the channel to Full House. There is nothing more intense than Full House. Gunsmoke loves Full House. Who doesn't? It's great because Full House is on, like, four different channels which allows you to watch episodes 24 hours a day even without a DVR or DVDs. Say what you will about America, but 24/7 Full House makes us the greatest country on Earth. You think they even get Full House in Mexico? No, that's why they all try to cross the border to live up here.

I. Carly leaves to see how Sam and her mom are doing. You're missing Full House, bitch. Sit your ass down. John Stamos will make you a woman. All you have to do is watch him.

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Spencer is sick of getting beat up by Gunsmoke. Gunsmoke is one of these guys who took a martial arts class just so he could beat up a guy the first chance he got. Spencer switches the numbers on Freddie's apartment so the robber won't know where he lives. That's going to suck for whoever is living in the other apartment Spencer switch the numbers with. Also, I suppose that's a good idea if you don't mind not getting your mail!

Oh wait, I think the mailboxes are down in the lobby.

Freddie and his mom return to their apartment, but Gunsmoke wants to stay and watch Full House. Rock on, Gunsmoke. Rock on. I hope you became a new reoccurring character, the badass who sits his bad ass down to watch Full House.

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Sam and her mom have been arguing for nine hours. I. Carly steps into the Therapy Box and the therapist locks her in because no one is allowed out until everyone inside gets along. Also he has a video camera. This is part of his continuing study to see how long two teen girls can be locked in a room before they start making out.

I. Carly has a panic attack, which forces Sam and her mom to make peace, because no way is that therapist going to open the door for a medical emergency. Sam tells her mom she doesn't hate her and Sam's mom tells Sam that she will be happy when her daughter marries the girl of her dreams.