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I am Funnier Than TeenNick's Promo Department

So The-N TeenNick has a new commercial in which that Nick Cannon flake sits at his office at The-N TeenNick HQ and reads viewer email. This makes him look middle-aged even though he's not even 30. He says that the network is constantly working on ways to keep Degrassi going forever, which horrifies me. I guess they have to. Degrassi is literally the only show the network has. Without it, there isn't really any point in having The-N TeenNick even exist. Now I hope it folds. Nick GAS was taken away from us so The-N TeenNick could be on 24/7 which was a travesty just as devastating as the Holocaust. Get rid of Degrassi, I want to watch reruns of GUTS and Nick Arcade reruns again.

You know when Comedy Central was a minor cable network, available in less than 50% of US homes, it had just one hit show, South Park? But the channel was able to use the popularity of that one show to launch many other programs and now Comedy Central is one of the top cable channels in the US and has about ten original programs on the air right now. So...how many original shows does The-N TeenNick have? How many Americans even know that channel exists?

Maybe that's an unfair comparison since Degrassi isn't a very popular show.

OK, enough The-N TeenNick bashing from me. After Nick Cannon stops blah blah blahing, we have to watch these:

Wow, was that stupid. I mean, I know I am better at making fun of Degrassi than anyone else online, but now I know I am funnier than the people who work at The-N TeenNick. Those posters are dumb. First off, it's 2010. I don't want to break it to the The-N TeenNick people, but 2033 isn't the far off future. That's only 23 years from now. We're not going to be traveling through space by then. In 2033, most Degrassi viewers will be facing middle age and raising teenagers and Nick Cannon will have blown his brains out in 2021.

I came up with better promotional material just one hour. Give me a job at The-N TeenNick, you stupid dickwads.

Also, I have this old gem from a few years back:

Yes, those are very awesome, I know. The ball is in your court, The-N TeenNick. Here is my resume. I am willing to offer my services for less than a living wage.

by Billie Green