The Ren & Stimpy Show: "A Scooter for Yaksmas"Season 5 Episodes 11
Airdate: November 14, 1996
Like Rugrats, Ren & Stimpy did not do a Christmas episode. Instead, they did a similar holiday called "Yaksmas" which I think is made up. I 50% sure Yaksmas is not a Jewish holiday.
Stimpy the cat works long hours for little pay at a factory that turns whole tree trunks into single, small popsicle sticks. He is also paid in popsicle sticks. It's weird because the factory makes things out of wood, but is called Cobbco and its motto is "Where Corn is King". I don't know if this was some reoccurring joke on the show.
Outside, the ground is coated in soot. Stimpy does not care, for it is Yaksmas Eve.
Stimpy says hello to two disturbing looking kids who are making a soot man. No, I mean two VERY disturbing kids. Look at them, but only for a second, or else their images will haunt your dreams.
When I was little, I never understood why Ren & Stimpy aired on Nickelodeon. The show never seemed appropriate for a kids' channel and I always thought it would have been better suited for MTV where it could have aired next to Beavis and Butthead or something. I would have nightmares that involved things I saw on Ren & Stimpy. Are You Afraid of the Dark never scared me like that.
Stimpy eyes a scooter he desperately wants for Yaksmas in a store display. He lays some hints around the house for Ren, his chihuahua friend, who ignores them. Yaksmas is tomorrow morning, if Ren got Stimpy the scooter, he would have bought it already. It's a little late to start dropping gift hints the night before. You don't wait until the night before to tell your parents what you want for your birthday.
At their home, Stimpy sets up the decorations, which involve stapling long underwear to the wall, leaving pickled eggs in the fridge and other absurd traditions. The two dress in traditional Yaksmas Day wear as Stimpy and a children's choir sing about Stinky Whizzleteats, who travels from house to house in his rocket powered sausage cart.
Stinky Whizzleteats and his yak friend drop off presents, as well as sausage and pre-chewed gum. Stinky then raids their fridge and passes out on their yard. That's about par for the course with this show.
Look, I don't hate Ren & Stimpy, but it is my least favorite of the original Nicktoons. It wasn't until God damn As Told by God Damn Ginger that I saw a Nicktoon I liked less. Fuck you, Ginger, fuck you up the ass with a rusty penis.
It's Yaksmas morning. Ren and Stimpy eat the sausage that Stinky left behind. It's gross, but any real life dog and cat would eat food left in someone's old underwear. Stimpy gives Ren his gift. It is very large. Ren quickly rips it open.
It is a jewel encrusted stature of The Queen of England. For real. You know, the Queen is 84 today and was 70 at the time of this cartoon. I think whoever made this statute took a bit of artistic license with how well her breasts hold up.
Ren gives Stimpy a gift. It is very small. Stimpy tries to hold back his anger over the fact that it could not possibly be a scooter. He opens it and sees that it is a box of popsicle sticks. Stimpy is about to have a breakdown but steps out of the house.
Stimpy returns to the store to take another look at the scooter. He goes mad because he cannot have it and accidentally breaks the display window. The scooter falls into his hands. An old woman who should mind her own damn business calls him a thief and yells for the police. Stimpy flees.
The old woman tells the policeman that the thief is a fat guy in a red suit. However, at no point in this episode do the police arrest Santa Claus, which would have been funny.
Ren & Stimpy was always sort of phoned it like that. There was a lot of lazy production when it came to this show.
You know what? Ren & Stimpy really did suck. It sucked a lot. I don't care if you remember it fondly. You watched it when you were 8-years-old and haven't even seen an episode in 15 years.
Stimpy has a dream where he is arrested, put on trial for theft and sentenced to infinity years in prison. Stimpy has the vision a lot of cartoons have when a character is worried about going to prison, where the judge's bench rises high into the air. It's inaccurate. When I was in court for that incident at the county fair, the judge's bench was not nearly that high.
Stimpy does not want to go to jail. He sneaks back to his house, but sees Ren calling him a criminal to the press. Ren was never a good friend.
With nowhere else to go, Stimpy flees town in the scooter. He hopes he can find Stinky Whizzleteats and make everything all better. Along the way, he runs over an "oaf" which is what they call people with Downs Syndrome in this cartoon. Stimpy gives the oaf a ride. That scooter has a lot of whatever pickup trucks have that let them carry a lot of weight.
A reward poster with Stimpy's face blows through the air. The reward is for $5. The oaf thinks Stimpy is a vicious criminal and runs away in fear
Oh, and here's another complaint I have about Ren & Stimpy, the drawing sucks. The creator of Ren & Stimpy, John Kricfalusi, has a blog where he posts drawings in the style most of us know best from Ren & Stimpy. As still art, it looks really good. His drawings manage to convey a great deal of expressiveness and motion while just standing there. But somehow, as animation Ren & Stimpy always looked very cheap and poorly done.
Sure, the artwork sucks on plenty of other cartoons. Rocky & Bullwinkle wasn't much to look at either, but it had 100 times better jokes than Ren & Stimpy. If you combine cheap artwork with bad jokes, you just get Hannah-Barbera cartoons from the 60s and 70s.
I hate Hannah-Barbera. I fucking hated having to watch all that cheap Snagglepuss-Wacky Races-Magilla Gorilla boring shit in the 1990s, when I had something of great quality like The Simpsons to compare it to. And I bet Hannah-Barbera sucked for kids in the 60s who had Disney movies to compare it with. Looney Tunes cartoons were all 30 years older that Hannah-Barbera but way, way better. I guess kids back then just had to deal with it when there was only three channels and none of networks put any thought or effort into children's programming.
Getting back to the episode, Stimpy finally arrives at the West Pole, the home of Stinky Whizzleteats. By now, Stimpy's scooter is trashed and won't be able to go much further. He finds Stinky and his yak passed out in a cheap motel room. Also in the room is a present. Ren did buy Stimpy a scooter, but Stinky Whizzleteats was too drunk to deliver it. I don't care to speculate how someone can buy someone else a gift, but then need Stinky Whizzleteats to deliver it, even though they both live together.
Stimpy leaves the broken scooter with Stinky and zooms off in his new scooter. After Stimpy leaves, the cops swarm the motel and their cars create a pile up reminiscent of The Blue Brothers, except The Blues Brothers was good. The police burst into the motel room to find Stinky Whizzleteats holding the stolen scooter.
The episode ends with Ren and Stimpy merrily riding the new scooter. Somewhere else, Stinky Whizzleteats and his yak are fleeing the police on the broken down scooter.
I am so glad this is over. Most horrible twenty minutes of my life since I was raped.
"A Scooter for Yaksmas" was the final episode of Ren & Stimpy for Nick. In 2003, the show was brought back with new episodes on Spike TV as Ren & Stimpy "Adult Party Cartoon" but was cancelled after one month. Not that original recipe Ren & Stimpy was any good (as I spent a good chunk of this review repeating over and over), but Adult Party Cartoon was one of the worst things on TV I have ever tried to sit through. I couldn't get pass the stupid joke that began the first episode, about Ren being the pitcher and Stimpy being the catcher, that went on for about ten fucking minutes. I turned the episode off, never to tune into the new show ever again. It was the same crap Family Guy does often since that show came back from cancellation, they'll take a gag that is only good for 15 seconds and stretch it out for several minutes because they find it too damn hard to write a full twenty minute episode.
John Kricfalusi wasn't involved in this episode. Nickelodeon fired him after the first season because he kept missing production deadlines and not coming to work. He was bitter about it at the time (and might still be) but I am going to be a total square and side with the network here. Try blowing off work at any job and see how long you last. At least he can't be blamed for how shitty Ren & Stimpy ended up.