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Keeping Up With The Kardashians: "Remembering Dad"

Season 1 Episode 5
Airdate: November 11, 2007

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The Kardashian family go to an Armenian restaurant one day every year on the anniversary of their father's death. Their father was Robert Kardashian, best known as one of OJ Simpson's defense lawyers, who passed away from cancer in 2003. Everyone is very sad. Of course they are. Who memorializes the day someone died? OK, other than Christians. I mean, if you want to remember a love one who died, wouldn't it make more sense and be happier for you to do something on his birthday instead? That's why Christmas is so much more fun than Easter.

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Back at the clothing store the girls own that never has any customers, the tallest sister, Dumb Bear, is still upset from the lunch. She yells at her other sister, Chihuahua Head, because she is having clothes she purchased for herself sent to the store. I'm pretty sure this store just exists as a tax shelter. Like, when the Beatles became rich one, thing they did was purchase a car dealership. This allowed them to keep that money away from the tax collectors as well as purchase cars at the dealer prices. I'm sure the Kardashian sisters are doing that with their boutique.

Chihuahua Head tells her sister that she will share her clothes in order to get Dumb Bear to calm down. Chihuahua Head still does not understand that her clothes won't fit someone who is a different size than her.

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The sisters go to a club to drink the stress away. Dumb Bear is very joyful when she is full of alcohol. Her sisters don't understand how she can go from being so miserable to being happy and back again so fast, and call her bipolar. Girls call that being bipolar. Guys call that being a girl.

The sisters all leave the club in their separate SUVs because oil just grows on trees. Dumb Bear is pulled over for drunk driving and arrested.

Before you wonder whether the show really was there when she was pulled over, the beginning of this episode included the disclaimer: "The following episode contains recreations of actual events." Other episodes don't show this message.

So, either:

1) The E! Channel was fine with having a camera man and possibly a producer follow Dumb Bear and not intervene as she got into a car and drove drunk. Kind of like if they were filming a nature documentary about skanks.

2) The cameras were not around when she was arrested. But Dumb Bear was quite willing to re-enact the most embarrassing and shameful moment of her life for a TV show.

Both situations are equally plausible.

Dumb Bear makes a call to Tanned Chipmunk at 3 in the morning from jail. Her family comes to jail to pick her up sometime in the following afternoon.

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The rest of the family berates Dumb Bear for her arrest. Pervy Bitch Dad lost a brother or a friend or somebody to a drunk driver, but no one really cares about his life. Her mother calls their lawyer, Robert Shapiro, who was also a lawyer for OJ Simpson. Man, if that guy can't get you out of a DUI, then he's slipping.

Dumb Bear tries to defend herself by pointing out that Chihuahua Head has, like, a hundred sex tapes on the web...except that it's not illegal and doesn't risk anyone's life. Also, sex tapes ain't nothing, that's just the Kardashian way. Kardashian is formed from two old Armenian terms; kard which translates to"spoiled" and ashia which translates to "whore."

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Dumb Bear apologies to her sisters by buying them some jewelry. This makes up for the fact that they didn't stop her from getting into her car after she had been drinking with them all night.

The episode ends with the family watching some old home movies from when their father was still alive. The screencap shows the three sisters as little children in the bathtub. I don't know if the scene is blurry because it's from an old VHS tape, or from steam in the bathroom or because the E! channel felt they needed to censor this. How old do girls have to be before a show will censor her breasts? I don't know, but I wouldn't put it past some employee of E! seeing this in the editing room and getting turned on and the producers realizing they can't have more of that.