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Keeping Up With The Kardashians: "Helping Hand"

Season 1 Episode 7
Airdate: November 25, 2007

Situation #1

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The Kardashian family play Candyland. The brother, Flake Boy, does not have a girlfriend and his sisters encourage their little brother to go a strip club to find a girl. One of the sisters does not like that and considers strippers to be low class. Keep in mind, these girls put a stripper pole in the house. Actually, most strippers are classier than the Kardashian sisters. At least strippers work for a living.

Chihuahua Head talks to her make-up guy about finding someone for Flake Boy. I was hoping she was going to set him up with her make-up guy, but that is not to be. The make-up guy recommends a Playboy playmate for Flake Boy. Flake Boy is excited about his date, but his sisters want to wax his chest. To demonstrate how much waxing hurts, Dumb Bear slaps him. That had to hurt since Dumb Bear and Flake Boy are the same size. Dumb Bear can throw some serious power into her bitch slaps. The sisters then holds him down and wax his chest. He actually does not have much chest hair. None of these people have jobs, so they get really bored during the day.

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Flake Boy has dinner with the Playboy model at an Asian restaurant. They make wooden conversation while two of the sisters spy on them. Chihuahua Head wants to prank call him. Imagine how that would go.

Flake Boy: Yeah?

Chihuahua Head: Hi, this is, like, the telephone company and junk.

Flake Boy: [his sister's name showed up on the caller ID] OK?

Chihuahua Head: Yeah, is, like, your refrigerator running and stuff?

Flake Boy: I'm not sure. I'm at a restaurant right now. I think it is.

Chihuahua Head: Then you'd better go catch that shit before it runs away. Ha ha ha ha ha ha...

Flake Boy: OK, well, I'm on a date right now. Bye.

Chihuahua Head:...ha ha ha. You are so retarded.

The date doesn't go so well. Flake Boy blames that on his sisters rather than his complete lack of communication skills or a personality.

Situation #2

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Two of the sisters see a homeless man hanging out near their store. They do not like this. Homeless people can't afford to shop at their boutique so they have no business being in the area. If their store ever had any customers, the homeless guy might even make them uncomfortable.

Dumb Bear goes to the dumpster to throw away the last of her self respect and the homeless man is sitting there. Dumpsters are Disneyworld to the homeless. I think when you are human garbage you probably identify strongly with actual garbage. It's nice that when you are as down on your luck as a homeless person you can still feel a part of something.

Dumb Bear tells the man that a couple of people (she means Dumb Bear and Tanned Chipmunk) said they are not happy with a homeless man around, so he wanders off. The sisters call their mom to ask what to do next. The mom tells them to maybe do something nice for someone else for once in their self-absorbed fucking famewhore lives. You know what this means!

HOMELESS MAKOVER!!!! YEEE!!!!

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The girls introduce themselves to the homeless man and take him back to their home where they shave and wash him down. Then they dress him in their step-dad's clothes, since his were soiled (he shot a load in his pants when two girls with all their teeth talked to him).

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Pervy Bitch Dad doesn't like that they took his clothes. I think it is because Pervy Bitch Dad looks pretty much like a homeless man. Once you put a homeless people in nice clothes, you tear away the thin curtain that can distinguish Pervy Bitch Dad from the homeless. The sisters quickly grow bored with homeless man and they have a photo shoot to go to so they make Pervy Bitch Dad take their homeless man to the dentist. They then drop him off at a homeless shelter. I presume the shelter has a dumpster out back so he will have a place to hang during the day.

The whole family celebrates that they gave this homeless a shave and a shirt. He'll turn his life around now! Dumb Bear just hopes she can count this toward her community service.