The Weird Al Show
The October Episodes
Episode 4: Back to School
Originally Aired: October 4, 1997
Weird Al's hamster is stuck in the vacuum cleaner. He tries to free his pet, but that damn kid who is always around sneaks up on him, which causes Al to press the wrong button, which shoots Harvey the Wonder Hamster out of the vacuum and the little hamster bounces off walls before getting stuck in some funky abstract sculpture Al must have splurged on with his "Eat It" money.
Al and the boy ignore the hamster when the Hooded Avenger comes over. He is studying up for his superhero license renewal thing. The Avenger has, like, six PhDs because he studies a lot. That is kind of what Bruce Wayne did to become a superhero. The difference being Batman's utility belt is used to hold useful gadgets, while the Avenger's belt is used to hold in his gut. The boy is really impressed that the Hooded Avenger is so educated. The boy is not impressed by getting to hang out with Weird Al Yankovic each week. Shit, being Weird Al's friend was my second biggest fantasy when I was that age. My biggest fantasy was to visit Jurassic Park. I suppose if I had terminal cancer in the mid-90s, I'd have gotten the Make A Wish Foundation to make Weird Al spend a day with me at Jurassic Park.
Al watches some TV. Among the programming is Al's video for "Lasagna", his "La Bamba" parody. Al is a bit of a narcissist if he keeps watching TV about himself. Especially when you consider that the only time I have ever seen his videos played on TV is when they are part of a show he is hosting. There are several Al videos from the 80s I never even saw until I found them on Youtube. Did MTV ever actually play his videos back in the day? I don't know. It seems like there was a time between the late 90s and the mid 00s--after MTV mostly stopped showing music videos but before it became convenient to watch video online--when many musicians made videos without actually expecting anyone to be able to see them.
There is also a commercial with Alex Trebeck advertising a correspondence school by mail. Alex Trebeck actually did commercials for a school like this in the 90s. Nowadays you can just go to school online and the University of Phoenix must feel they are too prestigious to rely on celebrity endorsements. Alex Trebeck used to do a lot of commercials back then. Jeopardy must pay him shit.
Al orders every course from the correspondence school in order to be well educated. The delivery guy who drops it off also has several advanced degrees. A man with that many PhDs is working as a delivery man? Where is this show set? Ann Arbor?
Ha ha ha. That's some Michigan based humor for you Michiganiacs out there. Thanks for checking out this site in between filling out online job applications.
One course is in martial arts. The "Wheel of Fish" guy from UHF shows up to teach Al karate. By teach, I mean he kicks Al in the nuts and then leaves. It was still a treat to see him.
Al then studies some New Age crap and has an out of body experience. He uses the opportunity to watch TV. He is very much a bachelor.
Al is studying so hard his brain is about to explode. This is as opposed to how I, as a kid, always thought Al would die: autoerotic asphyxiation in 1999. Looks like he beat my prediction. Good for you, Weird Al, good for you.
Harvey starts choking but Al saves the rodent by performing a hamster Heimlich Maneuver. Harvey splooges all over the kid. The Hooded Avenger and the kid ask Al how he knew what to do. Al learned everything there is to know about hamsters from the hamster care book he has been reading for years. This makes Al educated. Now Al can die a proud man.
Episode 5: Time Machine
Originally Aired: October 11, 1997
Al is working on a new invention. It's a time machine made out of an alarm clock and...wait...it really took five people to write this show?
It's Harvey's birthday. Al's friends come by to celebrate, including Lady Gaga, who would be 11 at the time, but there she is in the crazy pink outfit. Her gift is a hamster sized t-shirt. No fabric was soft enough so she says, "I used hair that I yanked out of my own head." Yup, that's Lady Gaga alright.
I'd like to make fun of how obsessed everyone is with Harvey and how they spoil him and talk to him like he is a human, but people in the real world act that crazy about their dogs and cats. Nothing in this scene is that out of the ordinary.
Al is upset he did not remember that today is his pet's birthday and he does not have a gift. I'm pretty sure Harvey is happy with the elaborate giant hamster fun house he gets to play in, but Al thinks he let his friend down. Al decides to do the responsible thing and alter the timeline for a hamster. He uses his new time machine to go back a day so he has time to buy a gift. However, he overshoots his load and travels back to dinosaur times.
Al quickly returns to the present day. Jumping around time when your starting point is a cave is kind of risky. You either have to go back far enough in time so the space is above ground or close enough to present that you arrive after the cave was chiseled out. Anytime in between and you materialize inside solid rock.
Next, Al reads the mail. He gets a past due notice from the electric company. He calls the electric company to yell at them and say he won't pay. I can believe Al does this a lot in real life. His power is cut off, so he goes back in time so he can have some light.
Al is paid a visit by his psychic friend, who gives him a palm reading. I don't think Al believes in psychics. I think a palm reading is merely the most physical contact he has ever received from a female. Paying for a palm reading really is a form of prostitution in this case.
The psychic warns Al that he will be bitten by a radioactive lobster. Al is and his hand turns into a claw. Just like in District 9, only The Weird Al Show wasn't over rated and didn't suck and was much less racist.
Al goes back in time once more to avoid that. And Harvey doesn't care about not getting a gift. He is just happy that Weird Al isn't putting him up his butt like the guy who owns his brother does.
There is a TV parody for an collectable action figure. I'm not sure what makes this a parody because it looks like every commercial for collectable action figures I saw while growing up in the 90s. I think the joke is you have to buy each body part separately, I don't know. I think that joke would have gone over my head back then because it does now.
The show ends with Al and his band playing their song "Yoda." It is so beautiful I wept.
Episode 6: One for the Record Books
Originally Aired: October 18, 1997
Weird Al is eager to get the prize out of a cereal box, which is a burrito that Al eats while it is still in the wrapper. Also, it hasn't been refrigerated for who knows how long. Al throws it in his dirty and broken microwave. Al needs a woman around. Not so much for companionship or sex (because I doubt Al knows what sex is. If you explained it to him, I can see him throwing up and crying) but because most women are brought up being taught a basic level of cleanliness and hygiene, which Al has no concept of.
The radiation from the microwave causes Harvey the Hamster to grow to the size of a hippo. That's awesome. I often imagine what it would be like if my cat was the size of a tiger. It would be so much fun! I could ride her back and give her great big hugs and she could go outside and catch chicken and turkeys as gifts for the family.
Harvey's new size gets the attention of the Guinness Book of World Records organization, which is led by a man from classical Greece, or a least a man who dresses like an ancient Greek for fun. Actually, I believe the character is supposed to be Alec Guinness, which is a joke because they share the same name. I still don't understand the Greek getup. I just know him as Obi-Wan Kenobi. I understand that Alec was sort of bitter for the remainder of his life because people only knew him ftom Star Wars and not his other roles. Whatever. You don't see Carrie Fischer or Mark Hamill complaining that no one asks them about their other roles (at least the ones where they are not parodying Star Wars in some way).
Anyway, the Guinness people award him the title of world's biggest hamster, which wins Harvey much fame and adoration. Fans flock to the hamster. Al is jealous that Harvey has fans over the age of 12, something that has alluded Al for his entire career, so he kicks them all out of his cave.
Al watches TV. Aliens have landed outside the White House and announce that they want the very best of humanity to join them. If I was any good at anything, I wouldn't want to have anything to do with those lame aliens. They're using a black and white camera with scratches on the film. Losers. I bet their planet is considered the Mexico of the galaxy. They aren't looking for the best humans to join their paradise. They desperately need someone who is skilled enough to explain indoor plumbing to them.
Al tries his hand at breaking some records, mainly in the accordion and eating categories, but fails. That's when something very unusual happens. A woman enters Al's home. Al grabs her and forces her to watch a silent film strip. I guess this is how Al thinks he can seduce a woman. The fact that she is many years older than him does not bother Al, he is just happy to breathe in her flowery scent. The film shows Al trying his hand at various wacky sports, such as rolling down a hill in a large tire and getting injured. Al provides narration for his stunts and injuries. This is basically ripped of from the silent film segments of The Red Green Show, but those were awesome so I'll give it a pass. The woman is so bothered by this that she runs away. Another potential wife has slipped though Al's grasp.
Al invites a whole bunch of world record holders to his home to learn what it takes to be #1. Turns out all these people lead sad lives because they devote all their time to their records, even though they all already have them. I guess they have to keep training so no one will come along and outdo them. Al realizes that having a world record isn't worth turning into one of these lamewads. Not that the guy who lives in a cave and writes songs about food all day can really look down on anybody.
Mid 90s music sensation Hanson drop by the cave. They take a bunch of flash photographs of Harvey, which causes him to shrink back to normal hamster size. Remember Hanson? Not really? OK. Most of the the readers of this site are younger than me. Not than anyone older than me was into Hanson back in 1997. Basically, if you were much older or younger than my little sister you either ignored Hanson or have no real memory of them. This is the second band to appear on the show that has had a shorter career than Weird Al. I bet next up will be the Cherry Poppin' Daddies followed by Aqua. The final episode will have a performance by Eric Clapton and we'll exclaim "This is highly unusual!" as our monocles pop out of our eyes.
Episode 7: Because I Said So
Originally Aired: October 25, 1997
Al has a new invention, an automatic toe nail trimming machine. Al tests it on his hamster because Al is very abusive. The machine just gives the hamster a sweet hamster afro.
Al has to answer the videophone to speak to an executive from CBS. I don't know who that actor is, but he looks like Don Imus. The executive's nephew, Huey, is being sent to Al's cave because it's Take Your Kid to Work Day at CBS, but the executive has to deal with an emergency on the set of Walker, Texas Ranger. It seems that Chuck Norris did something quite unbelievable that would have required physical strength far beyond which any human could possibly posses, and the executive has to deal with the aftermath.
The executive warns Al that Huey will be in charge of the show and if the boy is not happy, the show will be cancelled. The executive calls Al a "nappy-headed ho" and then signs off.
Huey is a spoiled blonde teenage boy. He asks if Al got his shirt from Hawaii. Instead of taking that as an insult, Al busts out a map and some hula dancers for a lesson about Hawaii. Who needed Wikipedia in 1997? We had Weird Al. No citation ever needed.
Huey does not listen and instead reads either a comic book or a children's book. It's hard to tell with the image quality of the episodes I downloaded.
Al wants to check his mailbag, but Huey orders him to sing about answering the mail. Al is a professional musician (who only really writes half of a song) but finds this request to be a pain in the ass. Huey should have made it easier by saying, "Sing about answering the mail. But make it a parody of 'Say You'll Be There'!" Huey also hired a backup band for Al. Al and the band bust out a song about the mail (which I guarantee Al strongly considering throwing onto his next album).
Huey barks "Hoof it!" I don't know what that means, but Al starts dancing with a cane and flat circle type hat. It is pretty awesome.
Huey was not happy with that performance. He tells Al, "If I had that on tape, I'd tape over it!" Ha ha! That made me laugh. What a thing to say. Too bad people don't tape things anymore. Doesn't work as well in the 21st century. "If I downloaded that, I'd send it to my Recycle Bin" doesn't have the same bite.
Al then asks Huey if he would like to see Dick Van Patton dancing in a tutu. No one would, and it is quite disturbing to see. But it ends with a "quack" in the background which is noted here.
There is a ring at the door. Al has to sing an answer the door song.
It's Tahj Mowry at the door! You know, he was the Smart Guy! I was confused because Al is usually visited by Bobby the Inquisitive Boy, a young black boy who is about the same age as Tahj. So I was like, did Bobby get a hair cut or something?
Al shows Tahj his music video for his "Jurassic Park" song and sings some more. This pisses Tahj Mowry off. Al demonstrates his toenail clipping device on Tahj, which gives him a dinosaur foot. The boy runs away screaming. Al claims the kid is just a sensitive artist.
Al's superhero neighbors come over. Al decides to deal with Huey's bad attitude by giving him the silent treatment, so he does not tell Huey the names of his friends. Huey just names them Dummy and Stupid. The one black girl tries to tell him her real name, but Huey retorts, "You have to court to change your name, Dummy." Ha ha!
The back up band keep telling Huey how awesome he is. The band is really brown nosing. They want on a better TV show.
"Do I look like a ski instructor?" Huey asks Al. "No," Al replies. Huey says back, "Then spare me the snow job." I don't know what that meant. You can't expect all of this kid's line to be gold, I suppose.
Al gets so fed up that he quits the show. Huey laments that he has driven another person away from him. "Everyone hates Huey," he cries. "Huey pooey." Al feels sorry for the kid and tells him that he should be nice to people. Huey has learned his lesson and Al will keep his show, at least for six more episodes.
Al ends the show by warning the viewer to always look both ways before crossing the street. Al is then run over by a car that is driving at his armpit level. I love it. I love it.