The Weird Al Show
The November Episodes
Episode 8: Talent Show
Originally Aired: November 1, 1997
Al is going to be hosting a talent show, because he believes everyone has a unique talent. But if your talent is writing song parodies, you'd better watch out because Al is ready with a shank. The prize will be an ice sculpture of a bass, which Al stored in a mini-fridge. Unfortunately, the fish sculpture melted. Damn it Al, the mini-fridge should be the prize. Mini-fridges are awesome. Did I ever tell you kids the stories of how I came into possession of my mini-fridge? Basically, my roommate in college had to drop out due to a family crisis and he never came back for his mini-fridge.
Al tries to pick up the mini-fridge but can't because he is a pansy. Luckily, Lady Gaga is there to lift it for him. But she does not want to participate in the talent show. No way mister!
All of Al's crazy friends are there for the talent show. The Hooded Avenger is able to carve a pony out of an ice cube in his mouth! All the women cream themselves. Next up is Al's prostitute. She twirls around on stage and Al creams himself.
Al wants Lady Gaga to show off a talent, but she is too scared. Al points to the list that says she is next, so she eats the list because Lady Gaga is over the top like that.
Al tries to calm her down by watching TV with her. The prostitute is still performing, so this is kind of rude. Among the wacky parodies is a weather lady who tears a hole in the green screen with her pointer stick. She freaks out because she thinks she just destroyed that entire area which includes Detroit, Cleveland, New Jersey and Kentucky...no big loss, really. It looks like Chicago was spared, so we made out pretty well, America, good job. Also, what weather person uses a pointer stick?
Lady Gaga goes on stage but gets frightened and runs off. Al tries to comfort her, but she is so angry that she lifts Al up with one arm. That's not impressive. Weird Al weighs, like, thirty pounds. Most of that is in his poodle hair.
Al tells the story of the time he tried something that did not work out. I assumed he was going to discuss when he tried to create an epic two disc parody concept album of Pink Floyd's The Wall. He was going to call it The Floor. He got as far as penning lyrics for "Another Tile in the Floor" and "Comfortably Dumb" but then hit a nasty case of writer's block from which he never recovered.
Actually, Weird Al's story is about the time he tried out for The Flintstones, but kept messing up his lines, which pissed off Fred Flintstone. This scene is awesome because it is animated just like the cartoon and also plays out like a live action show, with multiple takes and a crew around the set. Also, my research tells me that the actual voice actors for Fred and Wilma provided their talent for this clip, which had to involve the network brining their corpses back to life.
If you were a kid at the time, you might remember that Saturday morning cartoons on the networks sucked pretty badly by 1997. More effort was put into this brief little cartoon than every single episode of every other Saturday morning cartoon combined on the networks that year.
Anyway, Al figures out that Lady Gaga's talent is her amazing strength. In reality, she has normal strength for a woman, it's just that Al is a weakling and is impressed by her ability to open the pickle jar. "My hero!" he exclaims in a high pitched voice. Gaga shows her stuff by lifting a barbell over he head. Yeah, but that's a barbell lying around Al's house. It's probably three pounds.
Weird Al's mother is ready to show off her talent. In that case, the prize really should have been a carbon monoxide detector. But Mom is interrupted when some R &B group, no one under 30 has ever heard of and no one over 30 would remember, sing a song.
Bobby the Inquisitive Boy wins the Talent Show with his dance moves. He beat out the professional R&B group. Ha ha ha.
Episode 9: Al Plays Hooky
Originally Aired: November 8, 1997
Lady Gaga comes to the cave. She is going to enter an art fair to win an autographed picture of Fabio. She asks for a box of Al's socks to make an outfit. Yup, that's Lady Gaga for you. Al asks her to do all the chores on his scroll because she is a woman. "OK," Gaga agrees. "Just because you're so pathetic." Al can't argue with that.
Al takes off for Hawaii on an impulse, which leaves Lady Gaga in charge of the show. Since she is only 11 at the time, she is not the seasoned entertainer she will be ten years hence and is overwhelmed.
Some stuff happens that I'm going to skip over. Al goes to Paris and then outer space. He is in free fall, which I would like to point out would make him burn up in the atmosphere. Al returns because a guest chef is going to cook Harvey the Wonder Hamster. Al has to chase him away.
For putting her through all this madness, Al makes it up to Lady Gaga by letting her meet Fabio. She asks Fabio to autograph her nostril (God, she was like that even back then). Lady Gaga lets out a squeal from an orgasm.
Episode 10: He Ain't Heavy, He's My Hamster
Originally Aired: November 15, 1997
Harvey the Wonder Hamster is not cooperating with Al because he is tired of being abused. Not much happens in this episode that is worth writing about (actually, that applies to the entire series). But the hamster psychiatrist is played the guy who did the voice of Shannon, an intimidating 9-year-old bully from the Cartoon Network show Home Movies. If you weren't one of the fifteen people who watched Home Movies, you may not understand why his very distinct voice scares me. I hear him speak and I'm worried he is going to corner me in the hall of my elementary school or steal all my Frank Sinatra CDs.
There is also a guy who dances an Irish jig while in a banana costume. I liked that way more than that "Peanut Butter Jelly Time" banana from the web.
Episode 11: The Competition
Originally Aired: November 22, 1997
A: What's the difference between a machine gun and Kenny G?
Q: A machine gun only repeats itself thirty times.
Fuck you, Kenny G.
Al gets a notice in the mail, via a man in a pineapple costume, that he has been nominated for Best TV Show Host award. He turns on the TV to see Fred Huggins, who is supposed to be Mr. Rogers if he took lots of lithium.
Al changes the channel. One of the programs is the Uncle Ralphie Show, whose host is also up for the same award and brags that he will win. Al is incredibly insecure so he calls the show and the two hosts get into an argument. I like that all these Saturday morning shows are apparently filmed live at the same time in the morning.
Uncle Ralphie hates Weird Al. He sends a marching band Al's way to psyche the man out. Uncle Ralphie calls Al a loser and throws a pencil at a target with Weird Al's face on it. Uncle Ralphie is obsessed with Weird Al like David Lettermen is with Jay Leno. Uncle Ralphie spends too much time on his show complaining about Weird Al and being bitter that it gets in the way of him being funny and becomes off putting to the viewer. Weird Al should just be like Jay Leno and ignore the taunting and just enjoy having better ratings. Weird Al should not be like Jay Leno in that he should be funny.
Val Brentwood, Gal Spy comes to Al's rescue. Is Gal Spy part of her title? That's kin of sexist. Not that I am one to talk, since if I was a writer on the show, I would have named her Listerina Jackson, Black Spy. Val kidnapped Uncle Ralphie's musical guest, a band named Radish. I have never heard of them either. The band is forced to perform on Al's show. Turns out they must have been one of those mid-90s Nirvana knock off bands.
Uncle Ralphie takes his revenge by impersonating Weird Al. Man, makes you realize that there is a thin line between looking like Weird Al and looking like you have boxes of child porn in your closet. Al notices this too and uses an instant plastic surgery machine to change his face. He is horrified when he sees he now looks just like Drew Carey, so changes himself back.
Al is sent a gift, a giant set of wax lips. Al is pleased until it explodes on him. Turns out there was a bomb inside. Fear not, the bomb merely messes up Al's hair and clothes and creates a bunch of smoke, just like bombs in Looney Tunes cartoons. I wish that is how bombs worked in real life. Then terrorists would be more amusing than anything else.
Al retaliates by attacking Uncle Ralphie with poodles. The poodles eat Uncle Ralphie alive. I guess that is the end of that.
The award show is on TV that morning. Fred Huggins wins because he played fair. He doesn't really know what is going on. The award consists of a crown and cape, so I think he assumes he is being anointed king. The two puppets from his show are on in the audience and scowl. This reminds me of those two elderly hecklers from The Muppet Show. I guess they were supposed to be jerks, but all they did was point out that The Muppet Show kind of sucked, which was what a lot of kids think when they have to watch it. Those guys were just speaking out for the audience.
Uncle Ralphie is so upset over losing that he ties up his clown assistant and tortures him with Pauly Shore movies. I think that clown's relationship to Uncle Ralphie is kind of like the gimp in the box to the pawn shop owner in Pulp Fiction. Al is less upset and just decides to abuse his hamster.
Episode 12: The Obligatory Holiday Episode
Originally Aired: November 29, 1997
Al is preparing to host a big holiday party. They will celebrate all of the holidays. Except the Jewish ones. Yup, Weird Al hates Jews.
Al has cooked a feast. The dessert will be a brightly colored "mood pie" which Al says will "soak up all the vibes from the room."
Al and his friends are going to get high on mushrooms.
Al's pals come to the party, each dressed in a different holiday costume. Val Brentwood, Gal Spy, is dressed for St. Patrick's Day. She black Irish! Ha ha ha. Al's cousin is dressed for Valentine's Day, but Al doesn't know this. Al has never heard of Valentine's Day because Al has never actually been on a date.
The guests start arguing with each other. This is killing the vibes, so Al kicks them all out. But getting high alone and not having any friends makes him no better than George Thorogood. You ever notice how all of George Thorogood's songs are about how he is a lonely drunk who drove away all his friends? He tries to act all cool about it, but we all know he really is miserable inside. He drinks because he is lonely, and he is lonely because he drinks so much. George Thorogood leads a sad life.
Al learns some kind of lesson, I guess, and invites back his friends, who also probably learned a lesson. They watch some home movies of Al as a kid when he has his poodle hair and moustache because Weird Al rocks forever and always. Al "accidentally" burnt down his house with a firecracker. That's the excuse he gave so nobody would learn that he was listening to the demons in his head.
The gang get high on mushrooms, which is what you do to get through a bad movie. When people say they got high on mushrooms, are they referring to actual mushrooms, or is that slang for something? I don't know. And do only certain mushrooms get you high, or can you use the ones you buy at the grocery store? I had a neighbor who liked to smoke weed and kept some mushrooms in a Ziploc bag. I suppose he got high with them. They were mushrooms he would collect in the woods outside our neighborhood. I don't know how safe that can be, but he lived to ripe old age of 34, so he must have been doing something right.
By the way, the guy boarded up in Al's wall says he is celebrating Hanukah. For real. This is why he is not allowed in Al's home.
Dick Clarks makes a surprise appearance because he heard they were going to get high. The whole gang have a countdown to nothing in particular, 'cause fuck it man, Dick Clark is here, that's what you do! The Man wants to stop us he can suck our dicks all our dicks motherfucker. The credits roll and everyone gets naked and has a drug crazed orgy. The Weird Al Show will never be the same again.