The Weird Al Show
The December Episode
Episode 13: Al Gets Robbed
Originally Aired: December 6, 1997
Good God. The last episode. This is almost over. Finally. OK, Billie, you can do this. Ignore the bright summer day, the shine sun coming through the window. Stay here, at your computer. Get this done. It's been five long days without human interaction or a shower, but it will soon be over and you can tell everyone you reviewed every episode of The Weird Al Show. They will not be impressed.
Al has just returned from Cave Con III, the convention for cave dwellers (all of the attendees were men). Al bragged about his TV show to everyone there, but no one knew he had a show or who he was. Al took a page from real life there.
Al shows us a picture of his ancestor who was a caveman. By ancestor, he means his grandfather. Yankovic is a Slavic name and that's how Yugoslavs live today. They've had, like, a hundred wars just in the 1990s and broke up into seventy different countries. It's hard to maintain a civilization under those conditions.
After several minutes, Al realizes he has been robbed. All of his possessions have been taken from his home. The robber must have loaded everything onto that industrial elevator people use to get to his home and came in through the door that is never locked. Al is screwed because he most likely does not have insurance because I can't believe anyone, not insurance companies, utilities or government inspectors would sign off on someone living in a fuck damn cave.
The thieves even stripped Harvey the Wonder Hamster's little stunt car. Hahaha. That was clever.
The Hooded Avenger comes by. That guy is Al's next door neighbor and was supposed to be watching his cave. He is the most worthless superhero since Aquaman.
The only thing left behind was a pita bread that has so much bacteria that the microbes built their only mini civilization. Al eats it anyway. Is it any wonder Al is single?
A WWF wrestler comes on by. He wrestles Harvey but loses. I can understand why. Harvey runs around a hamster wheel all day while the wrestler doesn't even really play a sport. I found this fun fact on The Weird Al Show's Wikipedia entry:
Randy Savage almost cancelled his appearance when he found out he was supposed to lose to a hamster. He was eventually coaxed into continuing once he was assured it wasn't a girl hamster.
I am willing to believe that is true rather than Wikipedia being inaccurate. I do no enjoy wrestling.
Bobby the Inquisitive Boy comes over next. He asks Al, "Where did I come from?" Al is squeaked out and tells the boy to ask his dad about that. But Bobby says that his dad sent him over here to get answers, because Bobby's dad knows that Al has several movies on topic. Unfortunately, Al's porn collection was taken.
Al answers some letters. One kid asks about having an imaginary friend. Al says he has an imaginary friend, Gilbert Gottfried. Then Gilbert Gottfried shows up but can only be seen or heard by Al. That explains why when ever Gilbert Gottfried in on TV, all I see is a stuffed doll of a Jewish man.
Some forgotten R&B group stops by. They wear Al's clothes. Al struggles to be politically correct and not assume that this gang of young black and Mexican men robbed his home. Gilbert Gottfried gets pissed that they cannot see him so he huffs off. The group sings a song.
Al watches TV. I like that he installed his TV into his wall, which made it impossible to steal. Al prepared for this one day. There is a live cop show, which shows the police busting the man who has a van full of Al's crap. The police are disgusted by what they find.
In addition to the "Harvey the Wonder Hamster Song", Al TV, and one-hit wonder music guests, the show had another reoccurring segment: "Fat Man", a series of short cartoons in which Weird Al becomes an obese superhero. The villains would usually have something to do with stealing the food supply, which made Fat Man more important than any of those G.I. Joe assholes. Who is doing more for America, the Coast Guard rejects who stop Cobra from airing a telethon for criminals and carving their leader's face on the Moon, or the superhero who makes sure we don't all starve to death?
In addition to committing food related crimes, the villains would usually have clever food related names. For instance, in one cartoon, Fat Man battles the Egg Man who is assisted by the Walrus. My middle school age self would have found that funny.
Harvey was Fatman's sidekick and could talk, usually making quips about how lame Weird Al is. Harvey's is voiced by Billy West of Futurama and Ren & Stimpy. West also does the voiceovers on this show. He uses the same voices that he used on Ren & Stimpy which makes me feel confused and frightened.
If I ever watch this show again when I am 70 and senile, I will be driven insane by this. "Huh...what...I thought this was a cartoon about a dog and cat who vomited a lot. Not some Weird Al showy show. Oh God what is happening to me! The cursed ravages of age!" I will have no one to blame for Billy West will be long dead. Weird Al, of course, will still be alive and not aged even one day. The reason why is not for us mortals to know.
Did You Know?
If you watch Michael Richard's racist stand-up rant on Youtube, the site will start recommending clips from UHF for you to watch.
Now you know.
My Weird Al Concert Experience
It was the summer after the 6th grade. Al was riding high touring for Bad Hair Day. I was excited because this was my first concert. Weird Al was the only music I listened to at that age. It fulfilled that important time in my life musically, after Raffi but before the White Stripes. When Kurt Cobain died, I was in elementary school, so I missed out on the grunge era. Actually, I heard Weird Al's parody of Nirvana, "Smells Like Nirvana" some years before I ever listened to Nevermind. I was rocking out to that parody in my little child body and thinking that the original song must kick ass.
My mom took my siblings and I. Weird Al's career was older than many people in the audience. It was an awesome show. It was still the most elaborate concert I have ever been to. Al wore different costumes, such as a caveman outfit for "Bedrock Anthem" and a fat suit for "Fat". In between, a large screen played the fake celebrity interviews Al likes to make. I expected all future rock shows I went to be this extravagant, but most bands only play their songs for 90 minutes to lights changing in the background. Also, bands have an encore, but the encore is really just the last four minutes of that 90. So we in the audience only get an 85 minute show, because the band had to go take a piss break before they finished. Damn, you rock 'n roll, you are corrupting our youth.
Years later, in college, I went to see Alice Cooper at that same venue, and even his show was not as elaborate. It was a small stage, so I believe that Alice Cooper saves his super show for bigger places. Mostly he danced provocatively with a woman who he later told us was his daughter. I was aghast!
Anyway, when we entered the building for the Weird Al show, we had to go through a security checkpoint; there were metal detectors and some guy was checking everyone's bag and taking a ten dollar bill out of every bag as an "inspection fee". But for the Alice Cooper show , there was no security. Maybe the venue had to layoff their security team in the intervening years. However, I assume that someone was threatening to kill Weird Al. Probably a disgruntled Coolio fan.