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Games I Played This Year

I decided to write an article that's a long list and not a review. Like I use to do before the days of Boycott the Caf and everything being on bit torrent. The subject of today's long list is video games I played in the last year. I am reviewing them. Not long reviews mind you, that would be harder and if you're going to make a long list article you do it because it's easy and doesn't require transitions. These probably aren't all the games I played in the past year but they are all the ones I can remember in one sitting.

Tales of Symphonia: Dawn of the New World

The original Tales of Symphonia had such as intriguing back story that everybody knew that if this world were to be revisited it would obviously be a prequel going into detail the tale of Mithos and his companions. Well jokes on you, its a straight sequel featuring a bunch of plot devices that were never mentioned before and an intriguing back story that could itself make an interesting game. What is it called if a sequel gets a prequel?

Civilization 5

This game will ruin your social life because you won't ever want to stop playing it long enough to leave the house and on those rare occasions when you do go to a social event all you'll want to talk about is the time Ghandi declared war on you and you kicked his ass so hard he pooped his diaper.

Civilization 4

More or less the same joke I did with Civilization 5 I suppose.

Bioshock 2

Many on the internet complained that Bioshock 2 was too short. Well considering 90% of Bioshock 1 was fetch quests I think the shortened length was a blessing. Some of us have jobs and want to be able to beat a game now and then. I think the length was perfect. The real problem was that there weren't any bosses. Oh, we have an insane mutated man in a giant tank of water who we have to confront. Does a a giant leviathan of terror emerge to try to squish you? No, instead we get to fight the same enemies we've been killing the entire game. Its the final confrontation, time is running out. Does Lamb send out her secret weapon to finish you off? Nope, the same people you've been killing for the last 25 hours should do the trick. Lazy.

Fable II

There is a button that makes you fart. Too bad there isn't a button that makes you have fun.

Metal Gear Solid 3

The lack of a radar combined with fixed camera angles means you end up walking into guards who are standing right in front of your face but you couldn't see.

The Boss is more developed and has more logical motivations then most Metal Gear Solid villains, but unfortunately she's paired up with a cast that is vastly less sensible and developed then a normal Metal Gear cast. Most of the bosses only exist because the game needs bosses. I think the Fury is even mentioned before its time to kill him.

Parasite Eve

Amazing visuals and story telling combined with horrible game play. Square uses the weird turn based live action combination that was featured in such games as Star Ocean and Live a Live. It didn't work in those games. It doesn't work in this game either. You can dodge attacks, but not while in an attack yourself. So you choose to shoot an enemy and they walk over and punch you five times while you are shooting them. Even when you aren't frozen dodging is tough because the area is too small. If the monster gets next to you and starts punching you might as well just hit reset.

New Super Mario Bros Wii

Not really better then Super Mario World, Yoshi's Island, or Mario Bros 3 but definitely better then New Super Mario Bros on the DS.

Final Fantasy IV: The After Years

The trouble with games originally developed for mobile phones is that they are originally developed for mobile phones. The episodic nature seems like a good idea until you realize that each chapter contains the same weak enemies for your low level characters to murder. Also there is absolutely no balance. Why are their multiple chapters with only mages? Why does the chapter with Yang and his daughter feel its necessary to give you three nameless monks to compliment the two super strong monks that make up your main characters. Why do so many characters not have names? Kind of takes you out of the story when your party contains Monk A, B, and C. Why not call them Bruce, Chuck, and Jet? That took me five seconds to come up with. Lazy.

Left 4 Dead II

The only complaint I have is that there aren't more levels.

Well, the people who constantly try to vote out anybody who isn't perfect while they themselves are doing terrible are annoying, but I don't know how the people who made the game could fix that.

Pokemon Heart Gold

The strength and weakness system is a staple of Pokemon and will likely never be removed, but would it kill them to tell me how the strengths and weaknesses work out? I can remember the ones that make sense but I'll be damned if I remember that fighting types are weak against birds or how dark types even work. And whoever made Bruno so over powered can fuck off.

By the way. The picture of the dratini is there because in an earlier draft I talk about dratini, and I didn't feel like changing the picture because its so cute.

The Sims 3

Each Sims sequel features more ways to interact with the world and fewer things to buy for your house. How am I suppose to feel like I'm awesome if I can't buy an electric guitar?

Shin Megami Tensei: Devil Survivor

You only have two options in this game. Level for hours on enemies that die in one hit so you might have a chance in advancing, or play a game thats less tedious

Persona 3: The Answer

Despite loving Persona 3 I never actually played the add on game. The characters are as likable as ever and the game play is the same, but there aren't any social links, which was like the best part of the game.

Super Smash Brothers Brawl

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